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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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Bryan/Brian McFadden
You can see why he might have thought it would be a good idea. Pop history tells us that Robbie Williams left Take That at the height of their popularity and went on to be a ridiculously-successful solo artist, playing sold-out gigs on Mars (or something). So Brian (formerly Bryan) McFadden left Westlife at the height of their popularity and went on to be...well, just another solo artist. The thing is, the Robster didn't immediately grab the nearest guitar and start moaning about how rubbish his old pop star life was. He saved that for interviews. So, while grumpy Bri did score a No.1 at first, two Top 10 hits, one Top 28 hit and a No.24 album later, it's all quiet on the used-to-be-in-Westlife front. Meanwhile, his former bandmates have notched up another No.1 hit and sold several squillion more records since. You'd think he might have learnt something from...
Kerry Katona
...his missus at the time, since he said he was leaving the band to be with her and the kids. Kerry is no stranger to leaving bands a little too early herself: she left Atomic Kitten in 2001 when the band looked to be dumper-bound after a disappointing run of singles. Trouble was, their next single - the infamous 'Whole Again' - turned out to be the first of three No.1s. There followed a string of non-stop Top 10 hits for a new Kitten line-up featuring Jenny Frost, who showed Kerry how it ought to work by bailing out of Precious at exactly the right time. As if that wasn't enough, Kerry and Bri broke up shortly after he left Westlife, and he did the classy thing by recording a soppy duet with new squeeze Delta Goodrem. It's not all been bad news for Kerry, though - she's doing all right for herself as the face that launched a thousand chips, not to mention bitesize pizzas and king prawn rings, while Jenny's solo career took an early 'Crash Landing' and she wound up trying to save face on I'm A Celebrity... - which Kerry had already won a few years before. Everyone still awake out there? Good! Let's move on...
Sugababes
We really feel as though we should give the Sugas two separate entries for the impressive number of members they've lost along the way. Especially as there were only three of them to start with! It can't be very much fun for founder member Siobhan to see the 'Babes racking up the Top 10 hits since she left to pursue a solo career...One single peaked at No.19 and her album didn't even make the Top 40. Sugababes 2.0 were firing on all cylinders until two months ago, when Mutya fired herself so that she could have more time with her new baby (or launch a solo career - a lie we now refer to as 'Doing A McFadden'). Then Keisha and Heidi drafted in Amelle to replace her. We'll give Mutya the benefit of the doubt on this one as we haven't yet seen how Sugababes 3.0 will fare, but we have a word of warning for Keisha: if you leave too, the band is going to have to get a new name before it just gets silly.
Gary Barlow
Consider this to be the opposite of the Brian McFadden problem that we posed above. This time, you're at the helm of what is easily Britain's top and bestest boyband. You write the songs and you're the leader; maybe you're not the one with the most screaming fangirls, but everyone's tipping you to be the next George Michael and you just KNOW you're going to be a solo star. The problem is there's that one pesky member of the band who won't settle down and do what he's told. Robert, or something. You have a polite word and tell him to stop mucking around with YOUR band, and he then decides to leave and go to a lot of parties. It's fine, because you're going to trounce his pathetic solo 'career' soon. An album or so later, you dissolve the band and launch your debut solo single. It goes to No.1, as does the follow-up, but then that pesky Robert releases a catchy, radio-friendly song about angels. Class, can anyone tell me what happened next?
The Darkness
Then again, how much more fun must it be to get the last laugh after 'musical differences' force you out of a band? We're thinking of unfortunate former Darkness bassist Frankie Poullain (although you could argue that everyone who records with The Darkness is unfortunate), who got nixed during the recording of the big-haired rockers' second album. There were countless reports of him in the press saying something like:"I'm a bit miffed, I am" (or something), so we suspect his spirits have been lifted somewhat by the level of public indifference to the Darkness's new album and singles. Wonder if Justin & co wish that they'd had a few more 'musical similarities' with him after all...