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9 November 2009
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Toy Story
Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things!


1Michael Jackson Mr Potato Head
Michael Jackson Mr Potato HeadEminem Toys are proud to present a fantastically realistic musical vegetable experience, complete with REAL detachable parts (nose what we mean? Arf!). What could be more thrilling than to pick a crumbling nasal accessory of your choice, plus a white mask and some mirror shades, and stick 'em on the King of Pop-tatoes? Surely nothing can beat it (apart from one of those mashing hammers)? And it doesn't matter if the spud YOU like is black or white, both shades are well represented here. Just be careful not to poke his eye out or there'll be blood on the dance floor. Yikes!

2Charlotte Church Drinking Game
Charlotte Church Drinking GameYes, folks! You too can crawl around Cardiff with Chazzer, as she embarks on a night of drinking, dancing and dissing. But it's not all fun, there are on-the-spot forfeits if you're caught doing any of the following:
Saying you've got no money to buy a round 'cos it's all in your trust fund;
Performing improvised operatic versions of any songs by James Blunt, Girls Aloud or Pete Doherty in a G4-type stylee;
Having an early night, cos the bubbles have gone straight to your head;
Learning to knit;
But you get bonus points if you call Liam Gallagher a lightweight, snog a rugby player or throw up on a bouncer's shoes. And the game's not over until the Fat Lady swigs.

3Trivial Pursuit
Trivial PursuitFollow the Z-list careers of Lisa Scott Lee, the Cheeky Girls, Peter Andre and the like by racing around the board, guzzling as many pieces of pop pie as they can before they go past their sell-by date (the pie pieces, that is). Categories include:
Science - Q: When is the number 13 considered greater than 10? (clue: When your entire career depends on the chart position of your new single, eh Lisa?)
Geography - Q: Where are the paparazzi most likely to be standing when you arrive at the Big Brother 3 reunion party?
Entertainment - Q: Is it ever appropriate to sing your new single into a plugged-in microphone?
Literature - Q: What is the meaning of the word 'insania'?
and History - Oh, that one is just a picture of Geri Halliwell.
Anyway, the winner gets a Tesco application form to fill out, and the undying respect of a celeb-weary nation.

4Goldfrapp Buckeroo
Goldfrapp BuckerooAlison 'It's totally normal to wear a horse tail on stage, dahling' Goldfrapp's version of this classic game has taken a few liberties with the all-action original. For starters the horse is all covered in tiny mirrors, so it acts like a mirrorball when you shine your bedroom light on it. And rather than waiting until you've loaded it up with too many objects, Alison's grumpy horse bucks at the slightest annoyance, like a fly entering a downstairs window, or the carpet being just the wrong shade of puce. Then it'll kick you in the knackers, shoot you an icy stare and prance out dramatically in a puff of showbiz smoke. Comes with mini plastic platforms, life-like retro synths and a candy-floss wig.

550 Cent: Secret Santa
50 Cent: Secret SantaFollowing concerns that his computer game Bulletproof may be too violent, 50 Cent is now offering a more family-friendly version in time for Christmas. 50 Cent: Secret Santa follows the rapper on a magical trip, as he and his G-Unit pals battle to buy presents for homeless kids on the night before Christmas. Highlights include a thrilling sleigh chase through Central Park (under police supervision, natch), ghetto snowball fights and a fiddly section where Fiddy has to help an old lady across the road. The thrilling final level sees our hero in a race against time as he attempts to find the last Xbox 360 in Lower Manhatten before the shops shut. Game on!
Rob F
21/12/2005

 

 
The Complete List
 
  It's Party Time!  Go!  
  We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here!  
 
  Big Bother  Go!  
  The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother...  
 
  When Song Titles Go Silly  Go!  
  Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history...  
 
  Dream TOTP Presenters  Go!  
  If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*...  
 
  Web-Singers  Go!  
  Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology.  
 
  Doing It For The Kids  Go!  
  What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children?  
 
  Who Sean Did Next...  Go!  
  We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous...  
 
  Take Cover!  Go!  
  Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot...  
 
  The 5 Stages Of ROCK  Go!  
  OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK.  
 
  They Are The Resurrection  Go!  
  This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face...  
 
  Britain's Next Pop Model  Go!  
  Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot...  
 
  Drama Queens  Go!  
  Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama?  
 
  Pop Conspiracies  Go!  
  Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid...  
 
  I'll Show YOU!  Go!  
  Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers...  
 
  Crapper Rappers  Go!  
  Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing...  
 
  Reality Pop Stars  Go!  
  They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly...  
 
  Indie-lympics  Go!  
  They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty!  
 
  Daft Predictions: 2006  Go!  
  What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know?  
 
  Secret Santa  Go!  
  If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick...  
 
  Xmas Turkeys  Go!  
  The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge.  
 
  Toy Story  Go!  
  Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things!  
 
  Rock School  Go!  
  Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds?  
 
  Name Academy  Go!  
  Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up.  
 
  Food Fighters  Go!  
  As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is.  
 
  Arty Popstars  Go!  
  They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other?  
 
  Oi You! Outside Now!  Go!  
  If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win?  
 
  Grow A Spine!  Go!  
  Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge...  
 
  Eaten By The Pop Beast  Go!  
  What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster?  
 
  These Words...Are Bonkers  Go!  
  Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing...  
 
  Too Long Titles  Go!  
  When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more...  
 
  Oi! Cheer up!  Go!  
  It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops!  
 
  Charlie And The Mock-late Factory  Go!  
  The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...).  
 
  Parent Repellants  Go!  
  Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust.  
 
  Non-Stop Popsters  Go!  
  Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045?  
 
  Diet Hards  Go!  
  A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces...  
 
  Bond Rocking Beats  Go!  
  Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme?  
 
  Endorse-Mentalists  Go!  
  Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not!  
 
  Y Kant U Spel Proply?  Go!  
  We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun!  
 
  Five acts we wanna see at Live 8  Go!  
  No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except...  
 
  Crooner Eclipse  Go!  
  We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing...  
 
  Tell It To The Judge  Go!  
  They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost).  
 
  Welcome Back!  Go!  
  The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time...  
 
  Britney's Auction Items  Go!  
  Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars...  
 
  The People That Elton Wronged  Go!  
  You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty...  
 
  Lord Of The Blings  Go!  
  This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why...  
 
  You Still Here?  Go!  
  The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed...  
 
  Ice Queens  Go!  
  These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch...  
 
  Have-A-Go Heroes  Go!  
  Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman).  
 
  Cover Calamities  Go!  
  If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters?  
 
  Skinny Indie Kids  Go!  
  Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong...  
 
The Complete List


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