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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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G Unit
Like G Unit, we don't have a huge amount of intelligence... on this pop monster. But according to legend, it can change its shape at will (a bit like Girls Aloud). The story has it that the Unit were going out one night, and heard the sound of claw on concrete behind them. Reports vary but some described the beast as looking like a tall muscular man in a vest and traccy bottoms, who mumbled and repeatedly grabbed his crotchal area. He then gave the guy making the biggest noise a severe nibbling. The Game escaped without serious injury, but has refused to return to his homies, and when asked about the encounter starts to cry like a kid with bee-covered candy floss. Brr!
Blazin' Squad
These pop-person chomp-attacks have even been known to strike in the UK. The battle of Friday Hill will always be remembered for the tragic loss to the pop world of seven plucky young lads from the elite chart force known as the Blazin' Squad. The squad were hanging around at a bus stop one night in Friday Hill in Essex. Suddenly, the beast struck, rendering several members unable to sway from left to right, possibly for the rest of their lives. Rap hand gestures proved useless against the beast, and only Privates Stryder, Flava and Kenzie survived with their livelihoods intact. Well, more or less.
Clea
Beast schmeast! Going by Clea's track record, it's gonna take more than a wee beastie to stop these girls from pursuing their pop dreams. Let's look at the facts: Firstly, they're the band the public didn't want to be Girls Aloud. Secondly, their first song 'Download It' was a big come on to all those naughty singles-dodging fans of the illegal MP3. And when the pop beast left them minus a Chloe, they just picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and thought, "Hey, let's cover that whiney Jermaine Stewart song from 1986!" Trust us, the Terminator has NOTHING on these girls.
Westlife
Sheesh! Louis Walsh breathing down your neck, Simon Cowell saying that some of you could do with some exercise. Not realising that all of their songs sound exactly the same. You'd think that Westlife had enough problems to contend with, before the beast got the scent of cheek-tweaking love mountain Brian McFadden firmly locked in its love nostrils. The pop monster struck just after Brian's second bout of baby-making, leaving him bedraggled, in need of a shave and with huge bites taken out of his hefty frame. All of which left him totally unequipped to deal with the complexities of his working like, such as knowing when to sit on a stool and when to stand up. Still, he did get to go out with Delta Goodrem, so every cloud, eh?
Busted
If any proof were needed that Busted are head and shoulders above the rest of the pop survival pack then they need look no further than how they handled their own pop beast, or Charlie as many a tear-stained Busted fan calls him. Far from try to limp on without the mountain-haired punk giant, Matt and James decided to quit at the top of their game, with their dignity, credibility and some chewing gum safely tucked in their back pockets. Course, if Charlie is reading this and ever fancies coming home THEN PLEASE GET IN TOUCH CHARLIE. WE ALL MISS YOU! SOB!