These Words...Are Bonkers |
Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing...
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 Kaiser Chiefs - 'I Predict A Riot'
 Lyrical Odd-Spot: "Ooh, watching the people get lairy / is not very pretty, I tell thee"
Thee? THEE? Actually, it might seem a bit unfair to pick on one word, especially when the rest of the song is all barn-storming brilliance. Bit still, Fred Elliott in Coronation Street aside, the word 'thee' hasn't been used in popular entertainment since the days when Will Shakespeare was rockin' all over The Globe. It'd be like 50 Cent throwing an expression like 'odds bodkins' or 'gadzooks' in the middle of one of his more hardcore raps. Or Hamlet dissing mother-fudding Ophelia up for being a crazy-ass ho. There is such a thing as being TOO clever, chaps...
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 Katie Melua - Nine Million Bicycles
 Lyrical Odd-Spot: "There are nine million bicycles in Beijing / That's a fact, it's a thing we can't deny /
Like the fact that I will love you till I die"
What's confusing is why Katie has fixated on this funny bike statistic. There are LOADS more interesting facts in the world which she could've chosen instead. Like the fact that a shrimp's heart is in its head, or that finches practise singing in their sleep. And the thing is, all it takes is for Mr and Mrs Smith to take their little Johnny to the Beijing bike shop this afternoon, and there will be nine million and ONE bicycles in Beijing. In a trice Katie's 'fact' becomes A LIE, like the fact that she will love you till she dies. Suspiciously convenient escape-hatch there, Miss Melua...
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 Girls Aloud - 'Long Hot Summer'
 Lyrical Odd-Spots: "Boy I seen you disco dancing with your pants on fire", "You put me in a fever fifty stories high", "I've ricoched around the world drinking pink champagne. It's easy!"
God, where to start? First of all, chances are if Girls Aloud have seen a boy with his pants on fire, he is one of two things: a) Running to the nearest ice-bucket in a panic, or b) A liar. Neither of which counts as 'disco dancing' in our book. Then there's this fever that they've been 'put in'. How hot is a fifty story fever? Cos anything over 106 degrees Fahrenheit and you're cruising for brain damage. And last, but best, is this world-record breaking drunken ricochet claim. If you're wasted on fizzy wine, you could probably ricochet to the end of the street. Any further distances are going to require transportation - taxis, boats, aeroplanes - which are anything BUT 'easy' to drive when you're drunk, ladies.
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 Sugababes - 'Push The Button'
 Lyrical Odd-Spots: "I wanna kiss and everything around it but he's too distant", "I know my hidden looks can be deceiving", "You're gonna miss the freak that I control"
Given the chance, there's not a man ALIVE who would pass up the opportunity to watch a Sugababe (let's be honest, Mutya) with some kind of mutant on a dog-lead, so that last quote is clearly an outright lie. The middle one is just confusing, cos if your looks are hidden, how can anyone see them to be fooled? Eh? In fact, doesn't that mean you've got some kind of missing face? Finally, if you wanna kiss a fella (ignore the "and everything around it" bit, that's just weird), and he's too far away, walk towards him. It's not rocket science, girls...
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 Natasha Bedingfield - 'These Words'
 Lyrical Odd-Spot: "Read some Byron, Shelly and Keats, recited it over a hip-hop beat"
Bizarrely, this song was considered such a pinnicle of lyrical excellence it was nominated for an Ivor Novello award. Which can only mean that all the songwriter judges appreciate how hard it can be to find inspiration, and know just where 'Tash is coming from. But have any of you actually tried it? We read out Keats's 'Ode To A Grecian Urn' over the beat to Jay-Z's '99 Problems', and it just sounds like having the TV and the CD player on at the same time. And this from the woman who started the whole song with "Threw some chords together, the combination D-E-F".
'D-E-A-F', y'mean...
Fraser M
29/09/2005
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What's the worst lyric you've ever heard?
trecoolhugger
Kaiser Chiefs - Na Na Na Na Naaaaaaaaa!! really gooooood song!
Abi
Beyonce Check On It-Ladies let em check up on it, watch it while he check up on it
Dip it, pop it, twork it, stop it, check on me tonight
ok beyonce we know you're rich but twork it?? seriously!i refused to believe these were the actual lyrics until i looked it up!
**MCR_CHICK**
well seeing as kaiser chiefs video for "i predict a riot" is set in olden times i think the word "thee" goes well
jill 4 danny
i say thee all the time! lol its a gud song the worst lyrics are the sugarbabes push the button
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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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