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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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Pete Doherty
If by some miracle this trouble-hoovering mentalist hasn't set off every alarm in your neighbourhood by the time you reach the porch, your folks' inbuilt wrong'un-ometer will still have seen Pete coming from three towns away. And although he might be able to charm the Moss off a rock star with his poetic ramblings, we're betting that the 'Rentals will take to Pete like a dog to kung fu. In fact, given his preference for jamming in the lounge, you might have to unleash the hounds once Dockers gets a hold of your dad's guitar. Yes! Go on, Fido! In the face!
Snoop Dogg
Unless your house has a spacious west wing, you can forget about bringing the Snoopster back to meet the folks. For one thing, you're gonna need a room big enough for thirty people, and that's just for his ten bouncers. Then, there's the hassle of turning off every smoke alarm within a half mile radius. Then you'll have to explain the concept of rap music to anyone over the age of 50. Course if things do go well, you're faced with the embarrassment of your dad trying to moonwalk across the living room floor, while your mum throws b-boy shapes, before announcing that the 'dizzle'll be ready in a jiffle'. Cringe!
Lee Ryan
You're kidding, right? I mean, apart from inciting a 10-year-old girl riot in your own home (like a birthday party - only the clown's wearing designer jeans), you're inviting all sorts of domestic trouble. One syllable of Lee's in-your-face wallyspeak will have your olds whispering hurridly in the back room. Meanwhile, after licking the inside of their drinks cabinet clean, Lee will proceed to the TV to try and chat up Kat Slater, before passing out in the dog's basket with his pants on his head. If this happens, call the press immediately, they love it when he does that.
Robbie Williams
If Robbie was still widely known as just 'that cheeky one from Take That' then we reckon you could get away with slipping his feet under the dinner table for a sly family meal. But sadly, those days are long gone. Robbie can now get away with literally anything: He's waved his bare arse at more people than a podium dancer at a nudist colony. He got Rupert Everett to try to pull every lady on the planet for him at that Swing While You're Winning concert. And he made a video that saw women feasting on his buttocks (bit of a theme emerging there, Rob?) Luckily for him though, 'Angels' reduces even the savviest of certain-aged ladies to a pool of sighing gooyness. So unless you want to see just how competitive your mum can really get, leave him outside.
Usher
Think of Usher as the anti-Robbie. In that, the ladies might not all like him, but damn, does he like the ladies! And OK, he might be able to croon the skin off a week old custard but come on, do you really want to introduce this tune-mad snog-inator to the womenfolk of your house? Big mistake, people. Left to roam free, Ush'll have his tongue down your grannie faster than you can say "denture venture". And if that wasn't harrowing enough, forget keeping it a secret - you and all your mates will be hearing all (shudder) about (squirm) it on Confessions (ack!) Part (bleurgh) III (brr!).
