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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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Oldplay
There's no doubting that Coldplay will be with us for decades, but in forty years time, 'Rush Of Blood To The Head' won't be a classic album, it'll be something Chris and the boys will be getting special pills for, along with replacement hips and dentures. Musically, 'Whisper' will be replaced by 'Could You Speak Up a Bit' on the band's set list, along with ''Everything's Not Lost - We Just Can't Remember Where We Put It". Meanwhile, Chris and Gwynney's firstborn, Apple, will be getting on a bit too. She'll be gigging under the stage name of - Granny Smith.
Geriatric Halliwell
We're sure that despite a few career hiccups, reinventions and Dr Who-ish regenerations, Old Spice will still be going strong in 2045 (albeit with some bionic implants). To celebrate her 21st birthday (third time's a charm?) Miss H will be touring a greatest hits package sponsored by Saga. Highlights will include 'Stannah Stairlift Me Up', 'It's Raining Men(opause)', 'Old Bag It Up' and 'There's Always Tomorrow - But Not For Much Longer'. Meanwhile, classic Spice Girls hits will be trotted out too, including 'Viagra Forever' and a reworked 'Wannabe', which becomes 'Wanna Pee, But Me Bag's Full'. Eeeww!
Daddyshambles
Babyshambles will finally release their debut album in 2045. They will. No, REALLY! Things fell behind schedule in 2005 after flakey frontman Pete Doherty popped out for a pint of milk - returning 12 years later looking confused and carrying a bottle of mature cheddar. The years 2017-2023 were a bit of a blur for Pete as well, with 2024-20029 becoming a bit IN Blur, when he Made Damon Albarn History and took over the Britpop band. An embarrassing scheduling mix-up with girlfriend Kate Moss saw Pete take over as the new face of Rimmell from 2030 to 2036 - he does look lovely in a bit of lippy - before the entire band got lost backstage, and then through the woodlands at Glastonbury between 2037 and 2042. But the album will be ready. All Pete needs to do now is actually write some songs... and record them...
Will Old
More Pop Idle than Pop Idol in 2045, expect Will to swap stadiums for daycare centres to showcase his classic hits. Singalong smashes will include 'Not So Evergreen', 'Light My Fire - My Winter Fuel Allowance Just Came Through', 'Stronger Medication' and 'Leave Right Now - It's Well Past My Bedtime'. As a special treat for fans, Will sometimes wheels out old rival Gareth Gates to help him murder Beatles classics. They used to do 'The Long And Winding Road', but the pair now find 'When I'm 64' more appropriate.
Grannies Aloud
After years of bitter feuding (mostly with Dame Charley Church) the girls reunite to promote a greatest hits remix package to top up their pensions. Classic tracks tipped for the Holographic Hi-density SuperDVDCDMD release include: 'The Show (Is Over)', 'Some Kind Of (Medical) Miracle', 'I'll Stand By You (Zimmer Frame Mix)', 'Wake Me Up (Afternoon Snooze Before Countdown Mix)', 'Sound Of The Eiderdown (I'm A Napper Sundown Mix)', 'Love Machine (Has Run Out Of Batteries Mix)' and 'Life Got Cold (Fetch My Shawl And Hot Water Bottle Mix). All tracks have been remixed by Paul Oldfolkenfold.
