Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun!
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 BLACK EYED PEAS
 The BEP have commited many a crime against language in the name of 'street speak' and general hip hoppery. But the song 'Don't Phunk With My Heart' has to take the entire tin-full of biscuits. First of all, and forgive us if you're easily shocked, they don't really mean 'phunk'. The word they are thinking of sounds similar, but it's a little bit shorter, and Snoop Dogg's career would be, er, phunked without it. But funk is spelled with an 'F', right? So you have to assume that some jittery record company exec has forced them to spell it a weird way just so all the short-sighted or elderly R'n'B fans don't get a nasty shock in the record shop. And that leads us to a rather unpleasant question. What exactly is the real meaning of their album title 'Elephunk'? Second thoughts, let's not go there...
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 JOSS STONE
 She may be extremely young, and from the Devon countryside, but that's no excuse for the remedial title to Joss's latest single - 'Don't Cha Wanna Ride'. It's like a car crash in word form. We're, ah, gonna (see? It's catching!) leave aside the word 'wanna', mainly because it has been an entry in the pop dictionary since before 'awopbopaloobop awop bam boo!'. But 'Don't Cha'? Really? Try saying it out loud. The 't' of 'Don't' gets all confused with the 'ch' of 'Cha'. If it was called 'Don't Ya Wanna Ride', it would be easier to say (and the spelling would still be a bit 'sassy', right?). Or how about 'Doncha Wanna Ride', which saves space, even if it does seem to be written in Italian. And is the title a question? Then where is the question mark. Sorry, I mean, where is the question mark? Look, I've brought some spares, can you see them???? Now, go and write it out 100 times...
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 NELLY
 There's something massively clunky about the way street slang gets written down. For example, you can just see whole departments of a hip hop record label spending hours debating whether there's two s's in 'diss' or one. But that's nothing compared to what happens when you whack slang spelling up against normal spelling. That makes a clang bigger than an oil tanker trying to bunny hop over another oil tanker. So when Nelly releases a song called 'N Dey Say', it's actually the word 'Say' - the one that is spelled correctly - that looks wrong. The problem is, it's written so that you sound out the words in your head, so you go "Now let's see, N? Oh, that's like 'AND'...'Dey' is 'THEY'...now what's this one? 'Saaay'? Is that 'SIGH'? HELP!" - all in a fraction of a second. And you thought it was the beats that were giving you a headache...
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 MVP
 They may be chart newbies, but MVP are continuing a fine tradition of mucking about with letters to try and appear more party-friendly. And they so very nearly get it absolutely right. For starter their name is short for Most Valuable Playas. Which is fine. 'Playa' has been ratified by the Queensbury Council For Hip Hop Properness as a legitimate spelling in any case. Spell it 'Playaz' and we might have to have words, but this is all good. And the 'Ya' in their song 'Roc Ya Body' is OK, for exactly the same reasons. Where we run into problems is with the word 'Roc', which is fatally weakened by taking that lovely hard 'k' off the end of it. 'Rock Ya Body' looks like a direct order to shake anything that wobbles on the dancefloor, and RIGHT NOW, MUDDYFUNSTERS! In contrast, 'Roc Ya Body' actually reads like a wet plea from a desperate Butlins red coat with a lisp, on a Tuesday afternoon. Which is probably not the effect they were after...
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 CHRISTINA AGUILERA
 An oldie but a goodie. There's nothing in the way that Christina sings the word 'dirty' in her song (you know the one we mean) that would suggest that she's lingering over that middle letter. She doesn't roll her r's. Her ARSE, yes, but not her r's. But the song is called 'Dirrty'. Our best guess is that she's done it to emphasise the 'Urr' sound in the word, so that you're subconsciously half-convinced that she's a bit of a nasty girl before you've even heard a note. Combine that with the video - which might as well have a sign up saying "Look, can you see my pants? They're all grubby! You LIKE that, don't you?" and the clever mind-manipulation is complete. Either that or she's a bit dim at spelling.
Professor Fraser M
06/07/2005
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Is spelling in pop, like, SO OVER?
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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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