Welcome Back! |
The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time...
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 ALL SAINTS
 Now the Spice Girls are gonna be back with us, just imagine what fun it'd be getting this lot back together again. Specially now we know that everything-phobic Natalie Appleton would rather eat a raw haddock's bum than hug her former bandmates Shaznay Lewis or Melanie Blatt (it's the germs y'see...). Then, even if you could get all four Saints in a room together, sister Nicole would be bound to bring slap-happy Liam Gallagher in with her, or Shaznay would make a snide comment about how succesful Bend It Like Beckham was compared to Honest - the total turkey of a film Mel and the Appletons made together. And there'd be a fight before they'd even said hello. It'd make a GREAT reality TV show, eh?
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 S CLUB 7
 "There ain't no party like an S Club partaaaaay", that was their catchphrase. And they're still right, but probably not in the way they had in mind. For starters, even Tina "doing her dance" won't get the paparazzi to take pics of her any more, and Jon might still be looking for romance, but he'd settle for the romantic lead in a musical if the money was right. And frankly it's not tubby Paul "getting down on the floor" that worries us, it's how he'll get back up again. Hannah is indeed screaming out for more, more film roles like Agent Cody Banks 2 (if she's really, really lucky). Rachel is doing her thing rather better than anyone thought she would, and the less said about Jo's "flow", the better. Plus, if anyone still wants to see Bradley's swing, check his back garden.
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 BOYZONE
 Formations are very important. In football you've got your four-four-two, a combination of men which makes a shape like a little castle, with the goalkeeper as the postman knocking on the drawbridge. In pop, the nearest equivalent is Boyzone's patented five-three-one formation, which Westlife found VERY useful indeed. The basic principle is this, you've got five men standing in a row in front of five microphone stands. Sometimes they're all dressed in black, sometimes they're all dressed in white. Of that five, the central three have all the talent, and the one in the middle is still going to be famous when the band splits. The ones at either end of the line - let's call them Lynch-pins - are merely there to make up the numbers, drink all the booze, drive all the fast cars and appear in all (and we mean ALL) the reality TV shows once the band's over.
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 FIVE
 Or 5ive, as their record company used to make us call them. Trouble is, the number five looks more like a B than an F, and so therefore squinty-eyed pop kids up and down the country would read our 5ive, uh, 5eatures half-thinking 'Bive? BIVE? Is that a word?', which is hardly good marketing. And that's a shame, cos at least half of Five's greatest hits were so great they could give greatness lessons to Great Yarmouth. If you're too young to remember them personally, allow us to introduce gruff rappy-boy J, smooth spiky-top Scott, quiet Sean with the askew eyebrows, scorched-throat lady-magnet Ritchie, and hyperactive rapping show-off Abs "I'm Abs" Breen. This lot were Busted, Girls Aloud and D-12 all rolled into one. Which would make them a girl's 12D bust, only in a good way.
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 BUSTED
 Speaking of The 'Sted...You would not believe the torrents of abusive mail we received here at the Pops when our April Fool's story about Charlie getting back together with James and Matt was taken a little too seriously (ie a lot of people thought it was true and got upset, and then angry). So, to save further heartache, we're not gonna write anything sarcastic about Busted, or even slightly suggest that they might want to consider going back on the road before the pop-punk kids lose interest entirely and spend their pocket money on McFly or Green Day instead. In fact, just to be on the safe side, we're not going to say anything else. No matter how much you beg. Not one word. We're just gonna sit here and whistle...very, very quietly...
Fraser M
26/05/2005
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Which band would you like to reform?
kirsty
get atomic kitten back 2gether.liz is way cool
sarah-jane
i would love to see s club 7 make a come back they were the best
trecoolhugger
blink182 OMG!! they rocked ma soxs!!!
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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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