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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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Sauron Cowell
Nothing escapes the evil gaze of the dark lord of pop, be it a Westlifer trying to disguise a fart behind a Timbaland beat, or Girls Aloud plotting to egg Mel C after school. Sauron Cowell has got all of his fingers in all of the pies on all of the plates in all of the boardrooms in all of pop-land. Anyone crossing The Evil One can expect a visit from his four black-clad wraiths, whose unearthly operatic screeching will make mincemeat of your lugholes faster than you can say "Robson And Jerome megamix". Course, if Il Divo are fully booked, there's always the fearsome G4-orcs... Gulp!
Bob Gandalf
OK, you might think that we've just taken someone's name and swapped a couple of letters here. But no! Let's examine the facts. Bob has been around forever, he has long straggly hair, a questionable taste in clothes, he smells a bit musty. He disappears for years at a time, only to re-emerge to save millions from suffering. And then he's gone again. Surely that's proof enough! No? OK, a little bird tells us that when Band Aid 20 were recording their version of 'Do They Know It's Christmas', Joss 'Orc Lungs' Stone REPEATEDLY referred to Sir Bob as 'Bob Gandalf'! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be here all week!
Streetwise Game-G
We know what you're thinking. Didn't he have a big bust up recently with his mentor Frody Cent? Yes he did, and then both he and Frody convinced us all of what great mates they really are, they made up - in public! Now that this hip hop fellowship is back on track, Game-G can see out his duty to tirelessly cover the back of Frody, the bling-bearer, and together they can cast the bling into the Cracks of Doom (Doom Shake-Shake the Room), thus saving the Dre for everyone!
Elton Gollum
Now, we're not suggesting that Elton is hundreds of years old, is picky about what he eats and likes to prance about in a thong that even X-Tina would avoid. But you've got to admit, it's "My precious" this and "My precious" that with him, innit? And we pity the fool who ever tries to wrestle whatever his precious is this week. Whether it's the specially-grown-on-Jupitar orchids, the hand-painted serving Zebra or the diamond-encrusted nose-hair twirler, this is one pop Smeagol you don't want prowling round your goodybags. If you catch our drift...
Lee 'Merry' Ryan
Some people would claim that Lee lives up to being Merry a little too much, especially during happy hour on ladies night, but there's no one better to have on with you on a long perilous adventure. This chipper fella could put a smile on a troll's bum with his childish antics. Be it organising an ale-drinking contest, setting fire to his own farts (to light up those dark mines) or talking seriously about the latest film script he's writing, this is one laff-a-minute hobbit that's hard to kick.
