The People That Elton Wronged |
You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty...
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 Oasis
 There was Liam and Noel living out their day to day lives: not saying 'boo' to geese, regularly shaving the tops of their eyes and er, being polite to old ladies, and wham! An attack from Elton comes out of nowhere, leaving them devoid of clean pants (for sure). Here's what mighty Hercules (he calls himself that, naturally) had to say about the Manc mob: "Oasis, instead of dedicating themselves to breaking America by touring, spent all their time fighting and ligging - they became Spinal Tap." Elt even went into old man mode, shaking a knobbly finger and snarling: "In the old days, you had to tour forever in a transit (van), then maybe you would get a record contract." Yeah right, John-son. Like, how many hand-painted leopard-print orchids have you fitted into a van lately, eh?
Verdict: Give 'em hell, Rocket man!
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 Brian McFadden
 Unlike many a popstar, Elton doesn't even wait till he's got a single out to give some pop underling a severe walloping. Take ickle Brian. What did he ever do to anyone (besides Kerry - and really, we don't want to know that stuff)? No idea, but Brian somehow got Elton's exquisitely-shaved goat recently, earning this luggo lambast-ication: "I nearly died when I heard his song 'Irish Son'. I absolutely hated it. I had to take it off in case I committed suicide." To be fair to the old duffer though, he did later apologise for this random act of pop-bashing. "I am going to take him out to dinner to apologise. I just can't keep my mouth shut."
Verdict: Run, Brian, run!
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 Madonna
 Madonna has survived many a mauling from critic over the years, but trust us folks; nothing can prepare you for a terrifying tirade from the terrier in a toupe. At the announcement of last year's Q Awards nominees, Elton came out fighting like a cat on a scratch pole. What's more, so adept is Elton at slagging off others, he can even put the question in his answer for the benefit of confused journalists. He said: "Madonna, best flipping (hopefully you can see what we did here) live act? Flip off! Since when has lip-synching been live?" Wait a minute, is that an apology heading this way? Ooops! Apparently not. "That's me off her flipping Christmas card list but do I give a toss? No."
Verdict: Dunno, mate. She's a karma comedian, or summat.
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 The whole of the pop industry
 So, if Elton has the guts to spout cobblers at the Kabbalah-er, then surely everyone in pop-land is fair game? That's right! And to prove it, here's a little something for everyone that Elton knocked up over breakfast, probably because his dog trainer was unable to get DJ Poochi Pooch to successfully mix 'Toxic' and 'Don't Stop Movin' on his specially modified doggy decks. "Record companies want the quick buck from the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, Britney Spears, S Club 7, Steps," fumed Elton, "They've always been around, I'm not knocking the music perhaps, but it's like [...casts his eye over the 200 metre breakfast table] packets of cereal."
Verdict: Er, yeah. OK. C'mon, industry. Bundle!
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 Elton John
 By now, you probably just wanna scratch Elton's eyes out, right? Don't feel bad about it though! So does he! Mrs Furnish doesn't exactly save his most cutting comments for himself, but we reckon that a one-on-one catfight isn't totally out of the question, AND he'd be his own referee to boot. Upon seeing the documentary about himself, Elton had this to say: "I looked at myself and thought: 'She's an absolute cow!' I had to laugh. I was just impossible.". Aww! Don't beat yourself up about it, Elton. On second thoughts... it'd make great telly!
Verdict: G'wan, Elt - in the face!
Tae M
10/05/2005
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Should Elton just learn to keep his mouth shut?
lady Clare
if he doesn't slate them then the media will so he may as well tel them what he thinks.at least he isn't two faced and tells people what he thinks. go elton!
nananannaaaa
Noel gallagher is a god. I salute him, but note i'm not saluting liam. Liam only sings in a whiny tone what Noel has written. As for elton, he don't know nothing. If you happen to speak to the guy, tell him I know that he sucks and that he only disses others because he's scared that he's past it. Does he enjoy acting like a fat emperor?
Sam
You go for it elton, everyone has a right to air their views. Oasis can't sing can't write music and they need a good wash!
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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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