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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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JENTINA
Jentina was quite literally born to Chavdom. She was born in a caravan in Woking and was a self professed "teenage witch" but probably not in the squeaky clean style of TV's Sabrina. Jentina left home at 15 to work as a DJ in Miami. Radio 1's Scott Mills hailed her a Queen Chavette and someone here at TOTP towers is still awaiting the return of her missing clothes after the pair shared a flat together. Sadly her paltry sales for 'Bad Ass Strippa' and 'French Kisses' have, thus far, been unable to keep Jentina in the 9 carat luxury to which she has become accustomed. No swanky caravan for Jen just yet.
BRITNEY SPEARS
A fondness for polyester tracksuits and KFC sponsored weddings has shot Britney straight into the Top 5 Chav Chart. Since her wedding to Kevin Federline which she celebrated with burgers, chips and KFC bargain buckets, Britney can regularly be spotted eyeing up the latest two bedroomed trailer or going to the shooting range for some er, much needed pistol practice with Kev. She guzzles Pepsi and scoffs fast food the whole day long and says, in true Chav fashion, she doesn't give a fig what people think. No wonder Justin cries whenever he thinks of her...
JENNIFER ELLISON
Scouse Princess Jennifer displays all the aspirational qualities of the wannabe, upmarket Chav - ill-fitting, skimpy designer clothes and an inability to act appropriately when consuming large amounts of champagne. Jen is mates with Queen of the Chavs Jordan and her boyfriend Tony has regularly been shot at by er, underworld types in Liverpool who have also aimed shots at Jen's home. Jen is proper 'Gangsta-Chav Moll' then but she redeemed herself when she won Gordon Ramsey's Hell's Kitchen TV show this year, demonstrating that not all Chavs have to exist on a diet of burgers, chips and Carling lager.
GOLDIE LOOKIN' CHAIN
If you live in Newport in S. Wales and are often greeted in the High Street by the sight of shell-suited layabouts waiting for their next sign-on time at the dole office then it's probably the Goldie Lookin' Chain boys. But don't feel sorry for them. The Chain revel in their lifestyle of discount stores, cheap markets, mothers with strange appendages and burger stalls. But with 21 members in the band, we reckon it's going to be a while before the boys earn enough royalties to escape their self-inflicted Chav-heaven. You knows it!
MIKE SKINNER - THE STREETS
Despite huge success with two albums and a No.1 single, ('Dry Your Eyes'), Mike Skinner is the original keep-it-real Chav who shuns the celeb lifestyle for a game of darts down the pub or a bet in the bookies with his South London mates. O Yay! Infact he loves the booze and bookies lifestyle so much that Mike has very nearly gone bankrupt and has just had to remortgage his house to pay for his out-of-control gambling lifestyle! Oh dear. Mike's so chav he has been asked to play a starring role in the forthcoming flick, Chav: The Movie. No, really!