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11 July 2009
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Animal Antics
Or why you should never let Sophie Ellis Bextor near household pets...


1BRITNEY SPEARS
BRITNEY SPEARSBit Bit, Lacey Lou and Lucky - fear not, Posh has not had triplets! These rather...ahem...quirky names in fact belong to Brit's beloved pet Chihuahuas. Now the phrase 'pampered pooches' doesn't even begin to describe the level of luxury that these little critters have become accustomed to. Think specially-made Von Dutch coats, diamond collars and steak dinners at $180 a pop! Yes, you read correctly that's $180. For a steak. For a dog! Britters treated Bit Bit to the hand-cooked - and overpriced - delight on a recent visit to the Las Vegas Bellagio hotel. Which does seem a little extreme for a creature who uses the same tongue to gollop swanky steak and clean its bum.

2SIMON COWELL
SIMON COWELLNow, we never really had Si down as an animal lover, somehow we just couldn't imagine the guy that barks insults at intrepid auditionees cooing over a cute little puppy, but how wrong we were! It seems Mr C does have a heart after all. He signed up to star in ads for PETA, the charity that campaigns against the use of fur in fashion. In the ads Simes appears with his arms around a doggy with the slogan 'If you wouldn't wear your dog then don't wear fur'. Si might be razor-tongued with the wannabes but when it comes to cute fluffy things he's quite the opposite. Anyone know what the opposite of a razor is? Hello?

3GERI HALLIWELL
GERI HALLIWELLOne fella that's stuck by Geri regardless of her chart position is her pet pooch Harry. We've seen other blokes come and go quicker than you can say shih-tzu but little Hazza has remained faithful, just like dogs are supposed to. As a reward, Geri takes him everywhere, even though he has a habit of getting her into trouble. One particularly memorable doggy faux-pas was when ickle Harry peed on Mr Prime Minister's floor. Let's let the red-faced Geri finish the story: "We were in Mr Blair's study and Harry went in to the corner. I was so embarrassed I had to ask for tissues to clear it up!" Well at least she did clean up - we wouldn't have wanted Tony to go flying on a wet patch!

4KELIS
KELISSo far we've had stars spoiling their pets rotten and campaigning for their protection, so we suppose it's only right that someone had to break the goody two shoes mould...yes, we mean you, Kelis. It turns out the fiery hip hop star wouldn't exactly scoop any awards for her pet care skills. Why, you ask? Well, not so long ago, when travelling with her Pomerarian puppy Harlem, she accidentally put the poor little thing through the X-ray machine at the airport. Fortunately he survived the ordeal but rumour has it not even Bit Bits $180 steak could tempt Harlem to get back in to his owner's designer doggy bag - don't blame you, mate!

5SOPHIE ELLIS BEXTOR
SOPHIE ELLIS BEXTORNow be warned - if you're a bit squeamish or a hardcore animal lover you may want to avoid reading any further! Now we thought Soph was such a nice girl, incapable of hurting a fly, let alone murdering a guinea pig, and yet... When Soph was younger, she accidentally crushed her beloved guinea to death in its cage door - worse still, she only realised what she'd done when she went to check on it! To be fair, she was young and it was an accident, but you'd think she would be a just little bit remorseful, wouldn't you? Wrong! Hannibal Bextor told the press: "It must've been painful. But guinea pigs are the most boring animals alive. They're rubbish." A bit of advice, don't ever let Sophie babysit your hamster!
Julie A
12/04/2005

 
The Complete List
 
  It's Party Time!  Go!  
  We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here!  
 
  Big Bother  Go!  
  The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother...  
 
  When Song Titles Go Silly  Go!  
  Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history...  
 
  Dream TOTP Presenters  Go!  
  If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*...  
 
  Web-Singers  Go!  
  Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology.  
 
  Doing It For The Kids  Go!  
  What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children?  
 
  Who Sean Did Next...  Go!  
  We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous...  
 
  Take Cover!  Go!  
  Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot...  
 
  The 5 Stages Of ROCK  Go!  
  OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK.  
 
  They Are The Resurrection  Go!  
  This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face...  
 
  Britain's Next Pop Model  Go!  
  Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot...  
 
  Drama Queens  Go!  
  Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama?  
 
  Pop Conspiracies  Go!  
  Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid...  
 
  I'll Show YOU!  Go!  
  Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers...  
 
  Crapper Rappers  Go!  
  Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing...  
 
  Reality Pop Stars  Go!  
  They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly...  
 
  Indie-lympics  Go!  
  They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty!  
 
  Daft Predictions: 2006  Go!  
  What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know?  
 
  Secret Santa  Go!  
  If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick...  
 
  Xmas Turkeys  Go!  
  The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge.  
 
  Toy Story  Go!  
  Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things!  
 
  Rock School  Go!  
  Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds?  
 
  Name Academy  Go!  
  Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up.  
 
  Food Fighters  Go!  
  As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is.  
 
  Arty Popstars  Go!  
  They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other?  
 
  Oi You! Outside Now!  Go!  
  If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win?  
 
  Grow A Spine!  Go!  
  Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge...  
 
  Eaten By The Pop Beast  Go!  
  What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster?  
 
  These Words...Are Bonkers  Go!  
  Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing...  
 
  Too Long Titles  Go!  
  When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more...  
 
  Oi! Cheer up!  Go!  
  It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops!  
 
  Charlie And The Mock-late Factory  Go!  
  The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...).  
 
  Parent Repellants  Go!  
  Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust.  
 
  Non-Stop Popsters  Go!  
  Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045?  
 
  Diet Hards  Go!  
  A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces...  
 
  Bond Rocking Beats  Go!  
  Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme?  
 
  Endorse-Mentalists  Go!  
  Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not!  
 
  Y Kant U Spel Proply?  Go!  
  We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun!  
 
  Five acts we wanna see at Live 8  Go!  
  No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except...  
 
  Crooner Eclipse  Go!  
  We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing...  
 
  Tell It To The Judge  Go!  
  They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost).  
 
  Welcome Back!  Go!  
  The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time...  
 
  Britney's Auction Items  Go!  
  Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars...  
 
  The People That Elton Wronged  Go!  
  You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty...  
 
  Lord Of The Blings  Go!  
  This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why...  
 
  You Still Here?  Go!  
  The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed...  
 
  Ice Queens  Go!  
  These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch...  
 
  Have-A-Go Heroes  Go!  
  Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman).  
 
  Cover Calamities  Go!  
  If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters?  
 
  Skinny Indie Kids  Go!  
  Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong...  
 
The Complete List


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