TOTP: Your April Fool this year was to claim you were planning a Christmas single with Sir Cliff Richard. Is there anyone you'd really like to duet with under the Mistletoe?
Dan: Mariah Carey's got a big pair of lungs on her.
Richie: Kate Bush.
Justin: I'd like to do a duet with her, to see who could go the highest.

TOTP: What are the ingredients for a classic Christmas single and video?
Justin: Snow, that's the first thing, isn't it.
Dan: Bells. Kids.
Richie: A 3/4 time signature.
Justin: Yeah, it needs to be like a waltz, doesn't it? (In Elvis voice) "It'll be lonely the Christmas..." Christmas jumpers, definitely. Like the Wham! Videos. Yeah, chunky knitwear.


TOTP: What's the thing you like to do most on Christmas Day?
Ed: Play Trivial Pursuit with my Grandma, towards the end of the afternoon.
Justin: Cos she's really forgetful.
Dan: Cos she's really forgetful. You can win because you can use the same questions over and over again. She's not really, bless her.
Ed: Cold meats and sherry.
Justin: But that's Boxing day though, isn't it?
Ed: No, in the few hours between lunch and the evening it gets cold, so...
Richie: Sitting down and watching the James Bond film that you've seen a million times before [at this point Justin describes something really icky - trust us, you don't want to know!].

TOTP: What's the worst Christmas present you have ever given or received?
Dan: I once received some custard shower gel. It was like vanilla, and disgusting.
Richie: I once gave a jigsaw puzzle of Prince Charles.


Justin: The best present was a Timex Indiglo Triathlon, which I bought for myself for thirty quid. I bought this thing, which was a box with a little picture of a cow on it. When you turned it over it went "Moo". I gave it to my mum and I think she thought I was implying she was a cow! But I really bought it just because I thought it was funny.
Ed: You can't give your mother a cow machine.
Dan: I once got a twig that was shaved and shaped into a pencil.

TOTP: Who would you most like to kiss under the mistletoe?


Justin: My sweet lady woman wife and all of my family and friends. In one big writhing mass of limbs and fluids... Er, maybe not.

TOTP: And they say romance is dead.
Justin: All the kids in the world.
Dan: No, no, no. you've got to be careful about that!
Justin: I'm trying to think of a way to describe a kind of gestural hug to the world.

TOTP: Is it important for a Christmas single to have a rude title?
Justin: No, it's not important - but it's a bonus. There was one last year by those page 3 girls, saying "I Want To Give You One For Christmas". Bunch of slappers! It was basically the melody from 'Breakaway' by The Beach Boys. And the video had these captions coming up, like 'Big knockers'. That really was a cheap effort. But I thought it would have been so fantastic if it had beaten the Bob Geldof effort to No.1. I felt like going up and offering to play on their one.

TOTP: What other titles did you consider for your Christmas single?
Dan: We didn't really have any other titles.
Justin: We didn't really have any other titles. It was always going to be 'Bell End' and 'Ring Piece'. I suppose the alternative would have been something to do with Santa's sack. Santa emptying his sack and coming down your...
Richie: He comes but once a year, or something like that?

TOTP: Moving on swiftly...Any final Christmassy facts you'd like to share?
Dan: What about that thing you told me about with the penguins.


Justin: I made that up! No, not really. Yes, the penguin is the only bird that has solid bones. Most birds have hollow bones so that they can fly. The penguin has marrow in its bones so that it can get into the water and catch fish. It makes them stronger so they can get the momentum to get down to the bottom of the water.
Dan: They're kind of a Christmassy bird, aren't they? Like the Toucan... Did you know that the toucan is native to Iceland? Some people confuse them with the Puffin.