There's no 'I' in 'team', but there is in 'Chiefs', which is a shame, cos otherwise we could talk cookery with the Kaisers. Actually, we did it anyway!
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TOTP: First off can any of you cook?
Simon: I can cook, yes, quite well. I used to very much enjoy cooking, It's a very nice thing to do, and it's a bit inventive, isn't it? Since August I haven't cooked a single meal for myself, which is also good.
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TOTP: What about you, Peanut?
Peanut: Yeah I can cook, but I haven't had much opportunity recently. Or I'm lazy.
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TOTP: What have you tried to cook that went horribly wrong?
Peanut: I once cooked pancakes at home and was trying to flip the pancake, and when I flipped it the pan handle snapped and the pancake was ruined. But then it left a massive burn ring in the carpet, and it wasn't my house, it was my Mum and Dad's house, so I wasn't flavour of the week, or in fact, the month.
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TOTP: OK, time for a trusty TOTP hypothetical situation... what would you cook for a girl on a first date?
Simon: Oooh, something quite non-offensive.
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TOTP: What, like sausages?
Peanut?: Not asparagus!
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TOTP: Why not?
Simon: That makes your wee smell!
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TOTP: Yeah but you're hardly gonna be weeing in front of her surely?
Peanut: No but it's bad. You have to have a salad for starter. You'd make a few courses I reckon. So, a light salad for starter, nothing too heavy, no cheese and stuff and no bread cos girls don't like that sort of thing...
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TOTP: OK, main course?
Simon: I would say some kind of pasta based thing with sauce. Everyone likes that.
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TOTP: Isn't that the safe option?
Peanut: You'd have to find out if she's vegetarian or not first cos that could be a disaster, couldn't it?
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TOTP: Good thinking. What about desert, that probably won't have meat in it...
Peanut: Well it's gotta be chocolate stuff, annit? Cos we all know the effects of chocolate...
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TOTP: Er, OK. What would you cook for that first meeting with the parents?
Peanut: Er, probably have to be a light salad to start with [laughs]...
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TOTP: There's a pattern emerging here.
Simon: I think when I meet those parents I would cook, or attempt to cook, a nice sunday dinner, with or without chicken or beef depending on if she's vegetarian or not.
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TOTP: Yeah, that could work.
Peanut: Then again, you could just take them all out for lunch couldn't you? And then the pressure's off the cooking but you're still taking them out.
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TOTP: OK, back to cooking. When you're starving and skint, what can you rustle up with very little?
Peanut: Beans on toast! And if you wanna get a little bit fruity, you can have a little bit of brown sauce with some grated cheese on top, that's like beans on toast deluxe!
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TOTP: What about Marmite and cheese?
Peanut: Yeah yeah, Marmite and cheese! But it really does burn the top of your mouth so you've got to be careful. It's something like the pleasure through the pain, you know? I swallowed a spoonful of marmite once, yeah? It was intense! It hurt but it was good, but it really hurt...
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TOTP: Does it have to be Marmite?
Peanut: Yeah! Marmite. It's not disgusting and there's no debate. Bovril can **** off, it doesn't count!
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TOTP: Now then... did your mum used to cut your sandwhiches into little triangle quarters?
Simon: Yes and also, until a very late age in my life, which I was always embarrassed about, she cut the crusts off. And I told her: 'Don't do that. I'm getting bullied!"
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TOTP: What's your favourite herb and why?
Peanut: [Taken aback] Erm... I'm quite fond of basil. Cheese on toast, yeah? And then put basil and oregano on top. That's nice!
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Check out the Kaisers' official website
(The BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites) |
Interview by: Oliver SJ
24/05/2005
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365  |
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Brad: "Well, we've just got up so most of us are in our boxers." |
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Lucie Silvas |
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"If I flap my arms hard enough, I can get some inches, and actually go up in the air." |
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Akon |
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"Ah...a lot of times, it's most likely... the ass." |
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Alesha |
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"Think of the amount of clothes you could get in Top Shop for 2,000 pounds!" |
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Tom McFly |
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"I hope you know the Uranus line took years of planning." |
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McFly's Hair Drama |
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Tom: "Straightening his hair for all those years has actually made his hair fall out. And as a result, he now has curly pube hair." |
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Girls Aloud |
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Nicola: "We've got a good facial thing that we do, but we're not gonna tell you what it is, just in case..." |
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Nylon |
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Camilla: "Maybe one day I'll draw some stockings on me. In gravy." |
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Karen Louise |
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"I once tried headbanging to a Nickelback track and put my neck out, so I try to avoid that one." |
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Oskar |
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Ignorance is still bliss when it comes to music. Ever tried un-learning something? |
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Upper Street |
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Bradley: "Stevie's voice,... Rick James's haircut. R Kelly's...what? R Kelly's bottom half." |
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Misha Williams |
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"I think the more important question is, why does Donald Duck wear a tunic? He's a duck!" |
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US5 |
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Richie: "I'd prepare my bits... Just make sure everything was in place, looking right..." |
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Mike Rosenberg Band |
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Mike: "My family wouldn't be surprised to hear me er, drop a few." |
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Chris Lake |
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"It was all about the singles really. I would buy any old crap." |
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Lil' Chris |
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"I was going to say 'Throw the puppy out of the window', but I think that's a bit mean!" |
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The Young Knives |
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Oli: "I'd make a story up - It was an accident and he'd got rear-ended." |
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Gym Class Heroes |
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Travis: "He's a friend of mine, but he's definitely not the kid you wanna dissect a pig with." |
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Jet |
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Cam: "Through no fault of your own, you end up having to turn your pants inside out sometimes to wear them again." |
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The Fratellis |
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Jon: "Bill Oddie is sleeping in a caravan next to a cliff, and somebody pushes the caravan off the cliff." |
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Stacie Orrico |
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"I don't miss the whole bussing thing. You've got people's half-eaten food all over your hands." |
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Duncan James |
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"If it's a question of spending thousands on vapour or sending a text message for 10p, I'd go with the text message." |
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Betty Curse |
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"Well you know, Death's going to need someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously... he needs a bit of relief." |
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Matt Willis |
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"I was like, 'What? I'm from Kingston! I'm just common, I'm not cockney.'" |
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Alesha |
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"I still refer to everything as 'we'. It's really strange but I think that will change over time." |
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Orson |
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Johnny: "So it seemed like I was always the one who got in with the kids who lit things on fire, or threw lizards at girls." |
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Ronan Keating |
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"I don't think I stole anything from anybody, it's a very bizarre award." |
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Maria Lawson |
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"Occasionally, I'll wake up in the morning and I'll see a sandwich or something, and I'm like, 'God, how did that get there?'" |
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James Morrison |
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"It would be OK if you knew what was in the bush of doom, y'know? If it was a lady pirate, you might whack it in there." |
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McFly |
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Danny: "That's my way of arguing, a quick dead arm." |
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Frank |
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Bryony: "I always have to try and gross my boyfriend out by trumpeting really loudly." |
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James Morrison |
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"You know, water's cool, but milk - you've always got to check that." |
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Lemar |
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"Obviously there's a bit of romance there because she likes me and I'm this super...great guy." |
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Rogue Traders (Part 2) |
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James: "I think that's the quote of the day! 'We'll have to make sure we're not pokeable'." |
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Belle |
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"That's a brilliant question! I'd have to steal it, I'd have to fight off her mum and deal with it." |
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Rogue Traders (Part 1) |
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Natalie: "I've got denty boobs! It's actually all of my lucky charms in my bra!" |
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Wolfmother |
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Andrew: "They look like roadkill. Any form of dead animal. Any animal. But dead." |
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Paolo Nutini |
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"I had the pop socks, skirt, school uniform... my legs are a bit hairy, mind." |
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Get Cape Wear Cape Fly |
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Sam: "I don't really know what real skills you need to be a spy, but typing 40 words a minute is a good start." |
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Rooster |
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Luke: "I'm worried about my tackle, yeah. Imagine getting it bashed on the hurdle." |
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Wolfmother |
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Chris:"We'd miss the ability to pee freely and clean each other at will..." |
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Shayne Ward |
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"I think it was a sailor's outfit...and a blue wig. It just wasn't a good look." |
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Razorlight |
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Carl: "I was going to puke but I was too stupid to move, so I just stayed 'til I puked and then I moved." |
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The Fratellis |
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Barry: "We've got a song called 'Chelsea Daggers' so they throw wee daggers at us. It's quite nice." |
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Webb Sisters |
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Hattie: "You know when you have a girly night and you whip out a book and read about Roger and his pulsating thigh?" |
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Pussycat Dolls |
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Kimberly: "They could bounce off, unless I changed the, what do you call it, ions or whatever." |
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Rooster |
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Dave: "When it's hot it gets rather sweaty down there, he's just thinking of his personal hygiene." |
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Plan B |
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"I didn't feel comfortable being that sweet boy Justin Timberlake..." |
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Ne-Yo |
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"I have an open policy on underpants generally. It depends on the day." |
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Guillemots |
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Fyfe: "We're going to start getting naked onstage fairly soon, but with protection." |
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