He might be the modest, quiet type in his public affairs...oh who are we kidding? The man's got mirrors INSIDE his mirror shades!
BLOG ENTRY BY: Kanye West* CREATED: 06/04/2006
GOD-DAMN! What's the POINT of having an INCREDIBLY PRECISE clock radio, straight out of the KANYE WEST PRODUCTIONS factory, which I DESIGNED MYSELF, if the bedtime servant dude won't set it to go off with the correct beat?
I was lying in my KANYE WEST bed, underneath the special KANYE WEST bedspread that has got my face on the front and my sexy ass on the back (I mean at the back of the bed, not the bedspread. Ain't no way I want to be brushing up against my morning-assed butt in the morning, even if it IS mighty fine).
Anyway, I was resting my head on the lovely silky KANYE WEST pillow. Which I specially designed to be the best pillows you can get in the world ever. They've got yoghurt-scented Tasmanian cotton overslips, each with the KW initials on them, and the insides are full of silicone breast implants.
Hey, it's not yucky! It's like that UK dude said (after I wrote to him and told him to), you know, Mr Cornership? Him? He said 'everyone needs a bosom for a pillow', right? Well, I got about nine! In each pillow! Yeah, that's some restful neck support genius right there. Yow!
Anyway, I was smack-damn-bang in the middle of one of my favourite dreams ever, the one where I'm like this totally humble dude who's all SHY and NERVOUS and some crazy-ass stuff like that. I'm all wandering up to the counter at McDonalds and giggling and stuff, and get this, I, KANYE WEST, am too SCARED to ask for a regular vanilla shake. And there's no damn WAY I'm gonna get it together to ask for my usual special KANYE WEST special straw which I designed myself (it's, like the most efficient shake delivery system known to man, and yeah, of course it's gold! How else is a fella sposed to see his pretty face while he's drinking?).
Oh yeah! Back to the story! So I'm all dreaming and laughing at my totally weak clothes and 'tude and stuff, yeah? Scary-ass not-genius un-talented normo freak that I am, yeah? But at the same time, I've got one ear fixed on the alarm clock. 'Cos if you wanna be the best - like West is the best, yeah? - you gotta be ready for anything. And you DEFINITELY have to have already thought of a totally genius plan to deal with whatever crazy-ass nonsense life throws atcha. Get me?
So I'm like, ready, but also asleep, and at the same time I'm also working on a new design for that White House they got up in Washington. I'm thinking, should it be a black house, to represent my peeps, or should it be like a rainbow house, to represent all the people of the world? And then, like a bolt of MY USUAL total genius out of the blue - the blue satin KANYE WEST skull cap I wear in my KANYE WEST bed, that is - the answer hit me. It hit me so hard I almost forgot about the vanilla shake dream.
We should have a GOLD HOUSE! Not painted gold, but ACTUAL REAL GOLD! That would send such a powerful message out to all my people around the world. And that message would be "All you people look here, here is AMERICA, home of KANYE WEST, LOOK UPON HIS IDEAS, THEY ARE MIGHTY!".
And then my alarm clock radio went off, and it was some weak-ass beat I made, like, two days ago, rather that the TOTAL GENIUS CUTTING EDGE BEATS I was cooking up in my sound-lab just yesterday. Mind you, I've already had about three ideas for EVEN BETTER BEATS since I woke up. No, four! FIVE!
Now, where's that bedtime servant dude? He's got some serious CLOCK OVERTIME to do...
_
*Sorry Mr West sir. We wrote all of it. None of it was written by you. You'd have done a much better job of it...
I was lying in my KANYE WEST bed, underneath the special KANYE WEST bedspread that has got my face on the front and my sexy ass on the back (I mean at the back of the bed, not the bedspread. Ain't no way I want to be brushing up against my morning-assed butt in the morning, even if it IS mighty fine).
Hey, it's not yucky! It's like that UK dude said (after I wrote to him and told him to), you know, Mr Cornership? Him? He said 'everyone needs a bosom for a pillow', right? Well, I got about nine! In each pillow! Yeah, that's some restful neck support genius right there. Yow!
wandering up to the counter at McDonalds and giggling and stuff, and get this, I, KANYE WEST, am too SCARED to ask for a regular vanilla shake. And there's no damn WAY I'm gonna get it together to ask for my usual special KANYE WEST special straw which I designed myself (it's, like the most efficient shake delivery system known to man, and yeah, of course it's gold! How else is a fella sposed to see his pretty face while he's drinking?). 
So I'm like, ready, but also asleep, and at the same time I'm also working on a new design for that White House they got up in Washington. I'm thinking, should it be a black house, to represent my peeps, or should it be like a rainbow house, to represent all the people of the world? And then, like a bolt of MY USUAL total genius out of the blue - the blue satin KANYE WEST skull cap I wear in my KANYE WEST bed, that is - the answer hit me. It hit me so hard I almost forgot about the vanilla shake dream. 
