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BLOG ENTRY BY: Mutya Buena*
CREATED: 06/01/2006
Dear Amelle,
 Congratulations on the new job. I'm sure you'll pick it up pretty quickly - it's not as though you're in Liberty X or anything. I've left some blank pages of sheet music paper and a pen in a desk in case you're feeling creative. Not that you'll get to write much of your own stuff.
You'll find some of my old outfits in the back of the tour bus. The ones that look like very thin belts are actually skirts. You should probably start getting used to wearing leather thigh boots too. Even to the supermarket.
Anyway, I thought you'd appreciate a few handy hints on how to take over the band... Erm, I mean bond with Keisha and Heidi:
1. Be beautiful. Don't try to sing 'Beautiful' or James Blunt may be offended.
2. If you ever get into a backstage catfight with Girls Aloud, leave Cheryl for someone else to tackle.
3. When Not To Smile:
- All video shoots
- All magazine shoots
- All serious interviews
- All fluffy interviews
- Out clubbing
- Handling kittens
- Out shopping
- Comic Relief
4. When to smile: See "When Not To Smile" above.
5. Heidi isn't the Heidi. Don't ask her anything about mountains in Switzerland or herding goats. In fact, no one cool remembers Heidi. Just ignore this bit.
6. Handy quotes for interviews:
- "We're not splitting up"
- "We're really close - like sisters. Especially me and whatsherface. The blonde one..."
- "We're really, really not splitting up."
- "We're very excited at the thought of becoming a duo."
7. Feel your inner-love. Just don't show it. See "When Not To Smile".
8. If you ever get into a backstage catfight with Westlife, go for it – you can't lose. If you pull their hair they blub like girls.
9. If you're ever unsure, think: "What would Atomic Kitten have done?" Then do the exact opposite...
10. Don't confuse Keisha with Keifer. She's never played Special Agent Jack Bauer in 24. Although she did save the world once (but if I tell you how, I'll have to kill you).
11. Having a wide range of musical tastes isn't necessarily a good thing. Look what happened with Busted.
12. Get a tattoo that looks Japanese and deeply significant, but is, in fact, a handy reminder of the lyrics to 'Ugly'.
13. When you get fed up, come and join me and Siobhan. We're prepping Sugababes II to launch in 2007. Bring the leather thigh boots.
14. Make 15 copies of this document and send it to your mates. You will become rich and- no, hang on, wrong letter. Just be beautiful instead. And send me five pounds. _
*Of course Mutya didn't really say any of that - although some of it is probably good advice anyway.
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