DAY 2,345: Success at last!
Everything is going according to plan. The humans have been pitifully easy to win over. My precious mind-control devices are in place and I shall be ready to strike within the month. The MONTH, I tell you!
Future generations of Earthians will wonder how I managed to disguise my evil intentions while putting my terrible plans into effect. And by terrible, I don't mean that the plans themselves are poor. On the contrary, these are among the most cunning, most ruthless, most finely-tuned and precise plans ever devised by an evil genius such as myself. And on lovely pink paper too. That's a nice touch.
Blast! I believe I am starting to pick up some of the mannerisms of the feeble human whose external form I have taken as my own. I have managed to convince the Earthians that I am a female of the species, with the name Rachelstevens. They believe Rachelstevens to be a particular brand of human called a 'Celebrity'. The main purpose of such creatures seems to be to absorb the harmful rays which come from large light-emitting devices called 'Cameras'. This requires a protective floor covering called a 'Red Carpet', and special clothing, which Rachelstevens and the other Celebrities must change every day.
This suits my purposes well, as my race's acid skin can wear through human clothing with great speed. I protect myself as best I can with a large amount of a heavy powder called 'Makeup', but it's inevitable there will be accidents from time to time. Only last week my acrid wrist sweat burned Rachelstevens's favourite red gloves almost completely off. My superior intellect was my only defense, as I managed to claim that such damage was the result of something the humans call 'Style'. This is a state of being which all humans strive towards - and they believe that Rachelstevens has - but which actually has no basis in fact or science.
They are a most trusting species indeed. This shall serve me well...
Some of the Celebrities have also specialised their skills so they can counter the harmful effects of the Camera rays with a sonic shield known as 'Singing'. This is generated from the mouth and boosted with a secondary sonic source called 'Music'. Most of the practitioners of this art make an infernal noise which is enormously offensive to my finely-tuned audio sensors - apart from the one known as Sir Cliff - and so my first steps as Rachelstevens were dogged by a team of 'Pop Star' humans who plagued my every moment with their terrible row. Especially Tina.
The humans called this team 'Sclub', which, ironically enough, is the closest the human tongue can get to replicating the name of my home planet. I managed to destroy and replace every one of them with an exact robot replica, apart from the male called Paul. His face was too hard. Now my plans are close to completion, I see no need for these metal underlings, and have melted them down for scrap.
So, a month to go before the total destruction of the human race, and they'll never suspect it was nice, sweet, pretty Rachelstevens who planned the whole thing. And even if the Earthian leaders discover my plans and make an attempt to stop me, well, as Rachelstevens herself might say, I won't negotiate...with ANYONE! Muah ha ha Ha Ha HA HA!
DAY 2,346: I'm sure there was something I was supposed to do today...OMG! I just saw this TOTAL hottie! He is, like, SO buff! Six pack and everything!! Swoon!
