Oh my God, like, I had the most amazing d8 the other nite that I jus have to tell you about!
What, you don't think I can get a boifrnd? I'm like, fighting 'em off daily, man. I love fighting! I love rocking as well tho. Grr! Er, where was I?
Oh yah! My new GI, he's awesome, and, like rilly rilly smart. And he likes to rock, way more than Derek Whibley ever could. But you know, we're like SO over anyway. We broke up ages ago. I told Deryck straight, I said: "Yo Deryck dude, I don't think we should like, go out any more." And he was like: "No way dude! Why not?" I was like: "It's your name, man. It's a silly name. I could never become Mrs Deryck Lavigne, dude. No one's called Deryck these days." And he was like: "Dude, I understand." And I totally punched him in the face! I love punching guys out. Grr!
So anyway, I met this new guy in this thing I've been going to lately called skewl. My folks said it wasn't enough for me to sell like, a jillion albums already, I gotta spell properly and stuff. So I go to this class where the teachers make me spell hard stuff like "Alanis Morrissette", "Vanessa Carlton" and other "verbs" and "adjectives". I don't mind it though. Language is like, rilly cool and stuff.
So I'm there doing some really com-pli-cat-ed words with pictures of cats and mats next to them, and this guy walks in, he was like, gorgeous. OK, he was a little older than me, and Deryck, and Marilyn Manson, and my folks, but way better looking than all of them. But man, he had presence! He came in, and was like: "Where's my chair you f*******?" And then he like, totally threw a chair across the room. I knew right then that I totally loved him from that day on. I had Whibley wobbles in my stomach and everything!
Then this guy got out a pink pencil case and emptied it onto the desk. Then he took a pink pen from all the stuff that fell out, and then sent the rest of it flying with a swoop of his arm. Man, I have got to punch this guy, he's adorable!
So anyway, we got talking and it turns out he's like, rilly into playing piano. And he digs that I can play guitar and stuff. So we have a lot in common. I have to admit that he's a little strange, but I like strange behaviour, just not strange names, like Deryck. So after the class I suggest that we like, totally go out and stuff. And he grumbled something about washing his hair, so I said I'd come round and help (it looked pretty delicate I don't mind saying). So that was that, my first post-Whibley d8. Dude, I was pumped!
So it comes to the big nite, and I head over to pick up my new love from his place in the hills. Man! You should see this place! It's huge. Bigger than like, something rilly rilly big. I'm not kidding! So I go up to the door and knock, and after a while, this butler lets me in and says that 'John' will be down shortly. So I wait in this enormous white room, with nothing but a white piano in it. So like, fifteen minutes go by, and I'm getting a bit bored, so I start playing the piano. Nothing too intimidating, y'know, just, like, Rocksticks or whatever it's called.
Then there's a gust of wind that like, totally knocks me over, and then 'John' is standing over me, demanding to know what I was doing playing his piano. He's like, really shouting, which I love. And I start shouting back. Then he starts asking me where the orchids are? "What orchids, dude?" And he's banging on about wanting orchids, stamping his feet, the works! I like, slap him across the face, just to kid around a bit, and he starts crying. Then he tries to hug me, I'm like "I hardly know you, dude!" and I punch him in the face. It was awesome! Grr!
Anyhoo, the rest of the d8 was a bit of a blur, but I'm really pumped about this guy. He said I'd be hearing from him real soon, and y'know, Mrs John Elton Lavigne, it's got a nice ring to it, don'tyathink?
