Hi Usherettes!
This is Usher coming live and direct to you from the world wide Ushernet. When these guys asked me to write this blog I was like, "Get lost!" But they pointed out that I can write about whatever I want. And I said to myself: "Hey, people don't know
me. Why don't I write about myself?" "Good Idea," I replied, and so for all you millions of ladies that asked, here's what I do on a typical day.
OK - My personal trainer wakes me up at 6am. We do some breathing exercises like "In... and out. In... and out. In... and
out. In... and out. In... and out." and stuff like that. He says that ladies love a guy who knows how to breathe right. So I practise all day long, till I can get it right. After we've cleared up all the girls who've got stuck in the guttering during the night, it's time for breakfast. Sugar-frosted Girlies - they're Usher's favourite.
Then, it's back into the shower cos it's time to give a beautiful girl some Usher-loving, and lunch. Back in the day, I had a real problem with the ladies. You might have read about it on the six o'clock news. I loved the ladies! I was outta control, man! I'm OK now though. I can keep it down to one lady a day! Which is less than you can say for Xibit, know what I'm saying?
Anyway, er, ladies! All sorts - fat ones, thin ones, small ones, tall ones. Ol' Usher loves 'em all! Well, not fat ones obviously, or tall ones. Short ones, though. Especially ones that were a little shorter than me. And some who are really, really tiny. One time, I went out with this girl who was no taller than a little doggie standing up yapping: "Arf! Usher! I loved '8701', man! Puff! Pant! Arf!" Man, the Ush was walking tall that night. People were looking up to me (until I came down from that bar stool. Then not so much). That's all behind me now though. These days I'm looking to settle down with just a regular girl like you or your hot sister. Nights are a different story though, but I'm working on it.
OK, so now I'm putting on my clothes which a serving minion has laid out for me. "Usher," he tells me "you could wear a sack and make it look good". But why should I? I don't need no sack, this is all hand-made stuff - the real deal, by this amazing guy I found - he has the tiniest hands! You wouldn't believe it. I seen him give a hamster a foot massage once!
Anyway, once Usher is dressed it's time to put on the chain. You know the one. It's awesome! It's my diamond encrusted U chain. Don't tell no one, but I stole it from Nelly's diamond-encrusted toilet! Shh! Everyday I have a good luck routine. I look in the mirror and hold the chain and say "It's all about U" and you know what, it really works! I like to think of it as a good luck charm for the the ladies, y'know?
By the time Usher is ready to roll, it's night time, I missed the lunch date. That don't matter though cos night time is like, the perfect time to hit the clubs - where ladies go. I break out the Ushermobile and pick up the boys. Tonight's activities are an extravaganza, starring Usher, and featuring Lil Jon, Robin Hood, Frodo, Kenzie and the Yang Yang twins. Or is that, Ying Yang? Whatever, it's all mush of a mush-ness to me, Usher.
So we go all out, dancing and drinking and meeting the ladies. Man, I love ladies, tall ones, short ones, tall ones...
Anyway, Usher's gotta go, my lovelies. He's got some revision to do for this Mastermind thing he's appearing on. A personalised Usher-gotchi for the beautiful lady out there who can guess what Ush's specialised subject is. That's right, ladies!
