BLOG ENTRY BY: Britney*
CREATED: 28/04/2005

Dear To All My Fans,

Thank you so much for all your beautiful messages of support and beautiful goodwill ever since I announced that I am going to be a mother. Being pregnant is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Although morning sickness is, like, SO gross. I call it morning SUCK-ness! Poor Bit Bit has had to learn to dodge pretty quickly too, because I can't always get to the bathroom in time, and she does get under my feet when I'm running down the hall in my enormous mansion, where I live with Kevin, who I love, which is beautiful.

Then there's the food cravings. I have lost count of the amount of Melton Mowbray pork pies that Kevin has had to dip in chocolate and chilli sauce for me. He's got a special golden goblet that he mixes it up in. The only trouble is, he keeps burning his hands on the chocolate when he pours it in from the tupperware jug. What's up with not putting gold in the microwave? That sucks. They should invent some kind of microwave-able gold, especially for beautiful superstars like me. I could make Horlicks in my golden mug with the diamond 'Britney' on it.

I love Horlicks. I think they used to drink it in medieval times as a cure for, like, tallpox and stuff. It's the most spiritual hot drink there is, and I like to drink it in accordance with my spiritual beliefs, which are beautiful.

Kevin doesn't like Horlicks, what's up with that? We had a conversation about it. I was all like "Duh! Horlicks is pretty great, dude", and he was all like "No way, dude, Horlicks, like, sucks", and I was all like, "Nuh-Uh! Horlicks rocks!", and he was all like "Oh you are SO wrong!", and I was all like "No, YOU are so wrong!", and he was all like "I'm not listening!", and I was all like "I SAID, YOU ARE SO WRONG!", and he was all like "I'm outta here!", and I was all like "Go then!", and he was all like "I'm gone" and then he went.

I think he's just sitting in the garden now. But I don't care. I've still got my Horlicks, my choco-chilli pork pie, and the dogs are peeing in his pyjamas. That's, like, karma. Which is beautiful.

All my love, except for some of it is for Kevin and Bit Bit and Lacey Lou and Lucky. And my mom. And the rest of my family.

Britney

*Not THAT Britney Spears, obviously. The real Britney Spears is FAR to busy to bother writing anything to us. And she definitely wouldn't mention anything about being sick, that's gross. We just made this up, out of our heads, for a laugh.