Milton Keynes U7 League
Olney Town Colts Falcons 2 - 3 Southcott Owls
It was a blustering cold day as Uncle Peter and his wife Mrs Johnston, The Southcott Owls U7 football team and their chums stood in the freezing car park of Olney Town Colts Football club.
“Mr Johnston, put on your windcheater at once,” cried Mrs Johnston. “Otherwise you will catch a chill and I will have to give you a dose of Cod Liver Oil before the morning is out! And now children,” she continued, “Should we win today I have prepared a special picnic of potted shrimp sandwiches with lashings of ginger beer.”
“Spiffing, a slap up tea! Hoorah!” cried the children in unison.
Uncle Peter grimaced and looked over the top of his glasses with his usual bemused and weary expression. When was Dear Mrs Johnston going to let him be? The splendid amenities of Olney Town Colts did not bode well for his wife’s football team; if they lost, his blissful evening alone in his study would be ruined by the reverberations of Mrs Johnston’s ceaseless complaining. He held the match ball up to the light. Hmm, it really was too round; perhaps if he could make it more square The Owls might stand a better chance of winning? Furtively, he looked around for a hammer.
But then Uncle Peter remembered there was nothing he deplored so much as pungent potted shrimp sandwiches. However, it would not be wise to admit it; he did not want the alternative of pureed cauliflower vol-au-vents. Maybe he should not tamper with the ball, he thought regretfully, slipping the mallet he had found discreetly into his pocket.
The children bounded onto the pitch. Jake Sanders, Lauren Avery and Miles Drabwell took up their positions in attack, Benedict Turley and Karl Waydick the defence and Craig Rattray took his place in goal. The whistle blew and the eager whippersnappers set off apace for The Olney penalty box and soon Jake had scored by lobbing the ball above the Keeper’s head into the top of the net. What a jolly good show!
Jake ran buoyantly down the pitch and greedily eyed up the sandwiches that Mrs Johnston was unpacking on the sidelines; they looked exceedingly tasty and rather wholesome. (Although he wished Mrs Johnston’s dog Timmy would stop expressing an unhealthy interest in them; what an absolute rotter.)
In the second quarter, the fresh legs of Tommy Johnston, Connor James and Jamie Hunt helped to keep up the strength of the Southcott attack. However, Olney made a sudden breakthrough the midfield and taking a superb shot from a distance the plucky Olney striker placed a ball in the top left corner of the Southcott goal that keeper Benedict could not even get a hand to. What a frightfully beastly thing to do, thought Benedict, pulling out his sling shot and taking aim.
Despite the Olney goal, possession of the ball remained with Southcott. At one point nearly all the team converged in the Olney penalty box with each player taking a blast on goal but luckily for Olney the shots would just not go in. Eventually Southcott secured a corner; Craig got a foot to the ball and passed it to Jake who scored again to take Southcott back into the lead.
“I say, splendid old bean,” said Craig slapping Jake on the back, “First class footie old chap.”
At half time Mrs Johnston was delighted. In fact she was so delighted at The Owls performance that she opened up not only her container of orange slices but also her jar of pickled eggs.
“Oh gosh, super!” cried the children in unison.
“Yes delicious Darling,” scowled Uncle Peter, his face turning a sickly shade of green and anxiously ferreting in his pocket for his indigestion tablets.
The other parents gathered around sipping tea and eating biscuits. What a jovial day it was for all; even the cold wind could not dampen their enthusiasm. However, they kept a sharp lookout for the children just in case any of them decided to go bathing in the nearby River Ouse in attempt to solve The Mystery of The Disappearing Footballs.
The third quarter commenced with Olney looking more refreshed and slipping a shot past Craig to bring the score backed to 2-2. Oh bother and fiddly-dee, thought Craig, pulling out his blow pipe and taking aim.
The children ran vigorously up and down the pitch until suddenly the ball shot off and raced down towards the River Ouse. Mr Avery, young Lauren’s father, ran after it. The other parents cheered and quickly took bets as to whether he would catch the ball before it floated downstream. (However, Mrs Avery was not as concerned as she was busy checking out Mr Avery’s life insurance policy.)
Mr Avery returned empty-handed looking sheepish and Mrs Avery, policy in hand, looked decidedly disappointed and thought Mr Avery was a perfect silly-billy. However, Mrs Johnston was thrilled that her team had unintentionally solved The Mystery of The Disappearing Footballs and promised them all extra pickled eggs. Simply super!
In the last quarter Southcott reasserted their authority despite hard play from Olney who could not match the pace and skill of The Owls. Soon Jake scored another goal with a long range shot from outside the penalty box and Southcott were in the lead again and with repeated corners were unlucky not to secure more. The whistle finally blew and all the Southcott children and parents cheered. What a stupendous victory! Hoorah!
“Oh my, what an absolutely corking match,” beamed an exuberant Mrs Johnston. “Your passing and tactics are all top-hole. Lauren, unlike your father, your tackling and speed are simply wizard. But my chap of the match goes to Craig for his work in the field and goal. And now it’s time for the potted shrimp sandwiches and especially for your Uncle Peter I have added my own beetroot mayonnaise.”
“Rather!” yelled the children.
Cripes, thought Uncle Peter, his stomach began to churn at the thought of the beastly beetroot. Slowly, he trailed behind Mrs Johnston as they made their way towards the hamper. Was it his imagination or not? Her head seemed to be getting bigger and bigger...
He could feel the weight of the mallet in his pocket; it felt strangely warm and comforting.
He reached into his pocket...
The Famous Five and Friends will return in...The Mystery of The Disappearing Football Coach.