Dovery Down 2-2 Southcott Owls
Pride and Prejudice in the Southcott Ranks... a tale of chastity, fortitude and great housekeeping skills!
26th January 2008
Pride and Prejudice in the Southcott Ranks...
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a football coach in possession of a good team, must be in want of a goal. This truth is so well fixed in the minds of surrounding coaches that Mrs Johnston, the Southcott Coach and a rarity in the field of football, rallied her young protégés in their starched attire with a pre-match lecture in tactical performance. A woman of slight stature, but possessing great determination and proficient housekeeping skills, she keeps her young charges firmly controlled and exceptionally clean. It is said that her husband, the good natured Mr Johnston, is kept in the same manner too.
“Now my young Masters and Miss Avery,” declared Mrs Johnston. (For The Owls have a young lady amongst them whose tackling accomplishments are much admired.) “It is very important that once you have control of the ball you must retain it. For a ball once lost is not easily regained.”
Duly chastised, the young masters took to the field with Master Turley in goal, Masters Drabwell, Rattray and Hunt in defence and Masters Saunders and Johnston in attack alongside Miss Avery. The Owls took the initiative and dominated the first half with some entertaining play. But despite several attempts on goal by Master Hunt and Master Saunders, Dovery Down took the lead with an unexpected surge through the Southcott defence. The resulting consternation in the Southcott penalty box permitted a close range shot to bypass young Master Turley who was noticeably dismayed. However, The Owls were not to be dissuaded and continued pressurizing the opposition. Master Johnston was in fine form and his reputation as an expert executor of corners was duly enhanced. However, it was his throw-in which landed at the feet of Master Saunders that led to the score being equalised; the nimble Master Saunders taking the opportunity to place the ball firmly into the back of the Dovery goal!
Never one to be content, Master Saunders continued to outmanoeuvre his opponents and by half time he had repeated his performance and The Owls were now advantageously positioned.
“Oh my,” cried Mrs Johnston, fanning her reddened face, “Young Master Saunders is running circles around the opposition. He is positively on fire!”
Will the young masters find suitable wives?
“Indeed, My Dear,” said Mr Johnston worriedly looking around for a pail of cold water.
But the young gentleman and ladies of Dovery Down were not to be outdone. The second half witnessed their players rekindled much to Mr & Mrs Johnston’s annoyance. Mrs Johnston feared the match would soon be lost and Mr Johnston feared he was too far from the standpipe.
Indeed, the Dovery Down number 66 was particularly accomplished and soon he placed a blazing goal past Young Master Rattray into the Southcott net. Regrettably, Mrs Johnston began to smoulder and Mr Johnston began to worry about the possibility of her spontaneously combusting. However, he feared he could do nothing about it and so buried his head in a nearby bucket of sand.
Masters James and Waydick were now on the pitch as able substitutes and play continued fast and furious. The tension was rising as the ball ricocheted between the two teams who were now both eager to secure a winning goal. Unexpectantly, one of the young Dovery masters tried subversive tactics by hitching up his shorts into an amusing stance and parading down the pitch like young masters are wont to do. Such joviality reminded Mrs Johnston that no such escapades were possible at Southcott due to the excessive amount of mud and that Mr Murtagh, The Chairman, would be most grateful to secure sponsorship from an esteemed benefactor to the sum of £10,000 in order to rectify this untimely problem.
The final whistle blew whilst the score was still even which seemed entirely appropriate. All the parents were delighted with the result and remarked how the game had been played in a sporting manner of which they could all take pride and could be in no way prejudiced.
“Oh Mr Johnston,” beamed Mrs Johnston, “I am so proud of my boys. I believe they will do very well in the Milton Keynes League. However, I am extremely concerned that there are not enough young ladies observing these delightful matches in order that we might find them suitable wives. Of course there is Miss Avery but alas she has only £2.50 a week and an ambitious master requires a dowry of at least £50,000 a year.”
Mr Johnston nodded in agreement; at the same time wondering where he had gone so drastically wrong.
last updated: 28/01/2008 at 14:08