Barnsley 3-4 Luton Town
14/08/04 Your man uncharacteristically missed the first two games of the season and was worried that, were the Hatters to cock it up, he would have jinxed "lucky" Euan Duncan's start to the season! The day started well with the bathroom scales advising that there's a stone less of Pearcey than at the end of last season. Then I received the adrenaline rush needed to kick off the day by getting into a fight at the petrol station with a Mr T. lookalike. "You walked in front of my car man.."
 | | Steve Howard |
"Err yes because you were stopping at the pump." "Go on punch me in the face." I declined his offer for fear of dislodging his gold filling and inviting blows in return. "You should get a toupee for that ball'ed" he continued. I remembered from my teaching days that a "ball'ed man" was somebody follically challenged, but because at nearly 50 it doesn't worry me, the insult fell short. The even more tonsorially challenged "Voice of Sport" Bill Cole was head to whimper "Leave It Pearcey" as the disagreement brewed up again on the forecourt. My best response was to laugh and drive off and not stop till Oakwell. The sports centre was its usual chlorine-scented welcoming self for pre-match preparation although the menu was less imaginative than March when lamb in black bean sauce was the must-have item. Also in evidence the latest weapon aganst sensible ale consumption….the ice beer chiller pump. However, there was no nonsense John Smiths available as well as scum covered Smoothflow and make your fillings ache Ice Chilled.
 | | Mike Newell ponders tactics |
Walking to the ground with pc "Corky" Palmer and his northern oppo, Yorkshire's finest predicted a high scoring game and so it was - not the Barnsley 5 Luton 4 he suggested but in that ilk. After bemoaning the apparent demise of the ample-breasted Tina Tyke, the female mascot, the game got underway. Toby Tyke is now on his own after she left him for a six foot owl. The owl resigned after he found that she'd also copped off with a lion and the three pigs. This is the state of our scandal ridden game today. She'd have kept the smile on Happy Harry's rubber face though. Games like this are defensive nightmares. Luton behind after confusion reigned and imperious Howard levelling within minutes. Then Vine opened his account and the newspaper hacks sharpened their pencils and scribbled the grape puns at will. "Vine bears fruit", "special vintage" and the like. On the stroke of half time the Croation Sensation who is apparently now "fired up" nodded a glancing header from Robinson's free kick. This was time to kill the game off and go top of the league and Robinson seemed to do just that by putting the Hatters 4-1 up. | "After bemoaning the apparent demise of the ample-breasted Tina Tyke, the female mascot, the game got underway." | | Ian Pearce |
Quite a few whippets and ferrets were getting an early tea but Luton allowed Barnsley to come back. We always felt we'd win it and I felt a bit of a killjoy expressing my concerns at the defensive display which had too many redolences of last season. I needn't have worried. Mike Newell's eyebrow (count them…only one very large one) had knitted itself into a worried frown. He was not happy and he said it was a poor game. Mike ….it was a great game and both sides played to win. Luton have nine points and although are not invincible have a confidence and swagger that means we're in for a great season. As I said to the man himself in the press room "Cheer Up Mike." As I write this I realise my head is sore from too much sun…Maybe Mr T was right after all. | 
