Problems making friends / Feeling lonely

The 5-Point Friendship Plan

Some people make friends effortlessly. This isn't because they're any nicer or better than those who don't – it's because they know how to make conversation. If you feel like you never know what to say, this is for you.

Single factoid 20% of people have later become friends with someone who they disliked at school.
2005 Friends Reunited survey

1. Talk to everyone

Next time you buy something, say, "Thanks, have a good day". In the next shop, say something about what you're buying, like: "I've wanted this top for ages!" What you say doesn't have to be original – it just has to be something! Practice really does make perfect, so try to say something to everyone you meet.

2. Use body-language

It's not just what you say, it's how you say it. If you seem approachable, friendly and relaxed, people will want to talk to you. How to do this? Make eye-contact and smile.

3. Choose your friends wisely

At school there are cliques and tribes and everyone's supposed to know their place… but there will also be people who don't fit in (or don't want to fit in) who are friendly and won't judge you. These are the people to turn to – and who often make the best friends anyway.

4. Be a good listener

You don't have to be fascinating / beautiful / hilarious for people to want to talk to you. Listen to what people say, remember their names and their likes and dislikes, and just take the time to learn more about them. Always having a better story than anyone else is a one-way ticket to seeming insecure and self-obsessed.

5. Have the courage of your convictions

Don't say things you don't believe to make people like you. It won't work and you'll seem desperate. Instead, believe in the value of your own opinions – and don't apologise for them. If someone says they hate a band you love, saying, "Really! I love their latest album" is better than, "I really like them, but then I've got bad taste". When you like yourself, others will like you too. Fact.

Written by Ali Cronin

Last updated 17th June 2007

Further help and advice

• Wikihow: How to Make Friends
• TheSite.org: Making New Friends
• Or call ChildLine on 0800 1111 (free) or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 (cost of a local call) 24/7 to talk about your problems.

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