Always arguing?
Look at the reasons why. Are you defensive (always thinking your friend is getting at you)? Or does your friend treat you badly or take you for granted? Try to see the situation objectively: how must your friendship look to others? Talk to your friend. Tell them that you hate arguing, that you value their friendship and you'd like to try to sort it. Talk slowly and calmly and, like, don't start arguing ; p
Friendship factoid Girls are more likely than boys to stay in touch with school friends 2005 Friends Reunited survey
Had a one-off argument and it's no one's fault…
Swallow your pride and apologise first. They'll almost certainly apologise back. You can even do it without taking the blame: "I'm really sorry we're arguing like this. Can't we start again?"
It's their fault…
If you still want to be friends with them, you need to talk about it. If they're feeling guilty, they'll agree to your suggestion that you meet up. Starting the conversation, "You really hurt me, you know," should start the ball rolling. Try to keep your voice low and calm throughout.
It's your fault…
We're guessing you've tried saying sorry. All you can do is keep trying. Be sincere, tell them they're totally justified in being angry with you, say you massively value their friendship and can't believe you cocked it up. If they really won't forgive you, you'll have to accept it. You can't keep apologising forever.
If you no longer want to be friends…
Be polite but distant. Hopefully they'll get the hint. If they ask you straight out, "Don't you want to be friends anymore?" say something like, "I think you're a really nice person, but I just can't carry on the way we were. I'm sorry." (Btw don't involve any of your other friends, as that could seem like bullying. This is between you and your friend.)
Written by Ali Cronin
Last updated 17th June 2007
Further help and advice
- Teenadvice: anger management tips for teens
- Bullying Online: advice and info if you're being bullied
- Or call ChildLine on 0800 1111 (free) or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 (cost of a local call) 24/7 to talk about your problems.
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