Siblings: not getting on with them

Sometimes I think I hate my brother/sister

Join the club. Loads of us hate a sibling at some point. The secret is learning to live with it.

Siblings factoid At least 80% of the UK population have at least one brother or sister
(British Association for Adoption and Fostering)

Jealousy

Somehow everything they do turns you into a seething mass of envy and resentment. The root of this is probably insecurity or low self-esteem. Try to believe that your parents equally love you and your siblings, and make a mental list (or a real one, if you're feeling creative) of all your unique talents. Are you a good listener? Good at drama? Funny? Etc. There are some things your sib will be better at than you – but there'll also be things you're better at than them.

You can never agree

You and your sib may have nothing in common, but try not to think of everything they say as being designed to get your back up. Instead of going mental, walk away from the situation. When you're both calm, ask your sib to sit down with you to discuss your problems with each other. Try this - agree to disagree, and focus on what you do have in common (even if that's just your family, which after all is quite a major thing).

They copy you

If your sib is turning into a clone of you, do not despair. Yes, it's massively irritating if they wear the same clothes and listen to the same music, but it's also a compliment. If they respect your taste and style choices so much, they'll be open to you suggesting ways they can forge an image of their own. And try not to humiliate them: they're obviously a bit insecure about their own taste if they're stealing yours.

Written by Ali Cronin

Last updated 17th June 2007

Further help and advice

• Channel4.com: Feature on siblings.
• TheSite.org: Siblings Survival Guide.
• Teenissues.co.uk: Coping with Sibling Conflicts.
• Or call ChildLine on 0800 1111 (free) or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 (cost of a local call) 24/7 to talk about your problems.

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