AKA:
Being a virgin, big V, chastity, cherry
What is it?
Virginity, or being a virgin, is when you haven't had sexual intercourse (sex). You 'lose your virginity' when, and only when, you have sex for the first time. This usually refers to penetrative penis in vagina, heterosexual sex.
The average age of first (heterosexual) intercourse is 16 in the UK. It was 21 in the 1950s.
How do I know if I'm still a virgin?
If you've had sex - then you are no longer a virgin.
Even if your penis was only inside her for a second
Even if he didn't ejaculate (come)
However, masturbating, using tampons or being fingered by someone else doesn't mean you've lost your virginity.
Nor does the presence of our hymen tell if we're a virgin. Our hymen can break long before we've had sex. Some hymens don't break even after penetrative intercourse.
When should I lose my virginity?
If you're under the age of consent LINK it's illegal. Other than that, you shouldn't have sex until you're certain that you're ready for it. This could be when you're relatively young, or at any time in your life. Whatever feels right for you.
Don't do anything until you're clued-up on safe sex and are sure you understand what sex is all about. If you aren't sure you're ready, you're probably not, no matter how old you are or however long you've been with your boyfriend.
What if none of my friends are virgins?
It's difficult when you feel like you're inexperienced compared to your friends, but try not to let it get you down.
You're an individual and you shouldn't let what other people do stop you from doing what's right for you.
The earlier we start having sex the less likely we are to use contraception. And the more likely we are to have many casual partners, get STIs and unwanted pregancies. Plus we're less likely to do well at school.
According to a survey of sexually active young people ages 12 to 17*
- Sixty-three percent of sexually active adolescents reported wishing they had waited longer before becoming sexually active.
- Seventy-eight percent of all adolescents surveyed believed adolescents should not be sexually active.
- Eighty-nine percent of those surveyed would advise their own brother, sister or friend not to have sex until at least after finishing secondary school.
Further help and advice
Type in your postcode and find help in your area at ruthinking.co.uk
likeitis.org.uk
fpa.org.uk
* The National (US) Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Not just another thing to do: Teens talk about sex, regret, and the influence of their parents.
REMEMBER: Sex is illegal under 16
Written by Dr Melissa Sayer
Last updated 17th June 2007
Previous article
Jayne, 27
Hey girls, I'm still a virgin and very happy with my decision to wait. Do find someone you can trust, waiting will show you your partners true motives.
sam, 17
i'm 17 and still a virgin, unlike most people, i actually want to lose my viginity, not due to peer pressure, but because i believe it will make me more confident, maybe even confident enough to get a girlfriend
Dolly, 16
I lost it when i was underage and i regret it, even though i had a good time, looking back at it now i don't think i was really ready. I'm now regularly sexually active and have a fabulous time, because i want to, no one forces me into it. just make sure you're ready!
Christine, 12
I've had friends who claim to have lost their virginity. They say that sex is an amazing thing, better than any other experience. But it isn't! What is the point in sex anyway, other than creating new generations? No point. I kind of agree with the Catholic viewpoint of sex (even though I am not even Christian). I mean, if you've had sex, stick to the consequences. I mean, isn't abortion basically murder/genocide? People say it isn't, but it is! You aren't letting a helpless, small foetus even be able to live independently, without having to be inside it's mother for the usual 9 months!
Chrissie, 18
I waited until i was 16 and ready, I had the option to loose my virginity on a one night stand but chose not to as it just seemed a waste, so i waited until i met my now boyfriend of 2 years and lost it to him which for me was the right thing to do, there was no pressure and it just felt right!You should make sure that it feels right and you're comfortable before you loose it with anyone, when the time is right you just know! Although i didn't use contraception which was pretty stupid and had to go for the morning after pill...wooops. Hope this helps :)
chelsie, 15
i'm still a virgin! but i think i'm ready for sex, but everytime it comes to it, i always seem to back out of it. and i want to do it before my 16th birthday, because i get slagged for not doing it!
Seyi, 20
I am 20 and I'm still a virgin, I've always wanted to wait till I get married to have sex. My bf is 22 and he's also a virgin, I feel lucky to have a bf who doesnt pressure me into doing it. there are other things couples can do besides sex...also i find this website really useful...thx
Jasmine, 14
I'm 14 and now a virgin. Although, my mates gave me abit of a wierd look when i told them that id lost it, i didnt really care. Because ive been with my boyfriend since i was 12. We're happy together & both decided that we wanted to go all the way. Though, you should never feel forced into it, in fact that's the worst way to love your virginity. You should be ready and happy with your partner because lets face it, it's something you can never get back! So aslong as you & ur bf/gf are ready and you are safe, i dont see why you shouldnt go all the way :)
christena , 14
i had sex to early wish it never happend thought it was the rite person but i was reallyy rong dont lose it till you no boys wont messyou around and when ur ready dont get forced xx
cheryl, 18
When i lost my virginity it was too my boyfreind, it was a great experience and i loved it. we were both ready and we used protection, although it was amazing fo me, you still have to be 101% sure that ur ready because if your not the consequences WILL/COULD be life damaging, STIs, STDs, HIV are terrible desises so make sure u use a condom.
emma, 18, 18
I'm a virgin and proud:D I might sound weird but I know I'm gona wait till i'm married
lauren, 16
Ive just turned 16 & still a virgin. Most of my friends have already lost their virginity just because other people are doing it. I don't feel ready yet & probably won't for another year or so. I want to wait for the right person & it be special rather, like my friends, just rushing into it because their friends have had sex. I sometimes worrie that boys won't want to go out with me because im not ready yet but id rather stay single than rush into having sex. It doesn't matter what age, as long as your ready, thats the most important thing :)
Nikki, 17
I am still a virgin and proud of it! My boyfriend is a virgin too and we will both have sex when it's right for both of us. My sister is 19 and she is still a virgin. She had a boyfriend of 2 years and at the start of their relationship, she mentioned she was a virgin and he said he was okay with that. After about a year though, she still wasn't ready and he started getting angry with her and controlling what she did. She broke it off. She tells me she is glad she never had sex with him because she knows it would have been a huge mistake. I wish there were more guys out there who don't just think about the sex and still have their virginity at 16!
Lizzy, 26
School was tough because I was still a virgin because everyone thought that you HAD to loose it at 16 but you don't. It was and is my personal choice to wait till I am ready and in a good relationship. I am not weird or beleive in god I am making a choice and more people should consider that they will appreciate their choice to wait when their older and NOT give in to peer pressure. It is my choice and NOT anyone else's.
Rebecca, 16
the thing is people think now that if youre 16 and still a virgin you are weird!! well whatever! I am waiting till i am ready because i dont feel ready.People it doesnt matter untill you are 40 and lose your viginity,it really doesnt!!! it will mean its way more special than if you got forced into it at an early age with someone you dont even like and regret it! theres somethng wrong with the world. i also dont get WHY people talk about there sex lifes so casually. It is between two people! Not the entire world! also i am sure adults dont talk about there sex lives in that way!! A relashionship at this age seems to be based around sex! when it should be love!
Nick, 16
I am a 16 year old virgin and to be honest i'm nowhere close to losing it. But despite all that, I know that I would be much happier to lose my virginity when I'm 30 to the girl i'm in love with, rather than to go to a party and have meaningless sex with a random girl i'll probably never see again. Theres no shame in being a virgin. It'll feel so much better to wait for the right person
georgia, 16
I think you should wait untill you meet the right person, i made the mistake of rushing into things too soon, and its something i can never get back! i think you should also be aware of risks of having sex etc!
sarah, , 17
im still a virgin and theres nothing to be embarrassed about i told my boyfriend about it after he told me he had sex before and he told me that theres nothing to me embarrassed about cos a relationship is not about the sex
tamlyn, 16
its totally your choice dont be forced into anything you dont want to do :)
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