Sex: am I ready?

What does it mean to be ready?

Ok, so we've seen the movies. We know the moves. We've got the boyfriend. It's been over a decade since we learnt the birds and the bees. And everyone's doing it. So we need to start too, right?

Being ready understanding what sex means. And what the consequences can be. So we don't have problems or regret it afterwards. Because they can be huge.

We're lucky if our first time is simply disappointing. For too many of us it is a painful, embarrassing fumble with someone we hardly know. Leaving us feeling lousy the next day. And worried about pregnancy and STIs. Nothing cool about that.

Plus it's against the law to have sex if you're under the age of consent (16 in the UK). No matter how ready we feel.

How will I know when I'm ready?

Ask yourself:

Am I being pressured by what my friends or boyfriend think?
How will I make sure I don't get pregnant?
How will I stop myself getting herpes? Or chlamydia?
Will I regret it next day?
Is he worth the hassle?

You know the answers.
Crossing our fingers and going with the flow is never an option.

What if I decide I am definitely ready?

Be sure he wants to. He may not. Fair enough.

Make sure the condoms are packed. Better still, practice with a carrot before. Beats the first night nerves. We shouldn't rely on anyone to protect us. Our bodies are our responsibility. Buy a six pack.

If you have second thoughts at any point, stop. Just because you've had sex once doesn't mean you have to keep on having it. Many people realise it's really not all it's cracked up to be. And shelve it for a while.

What if I don't think I'm ready?

Then don't do it. You have the right to say no.

Many of us have sex because we think everyone else is. Or that we should do it, cos we've got a boyfriend - he'll expect it. Or that if we don't we're a prude. A prick tease. A baby.

So we do stuff we'd rather not.

Don't follow the herd. It's your body. Your decision. And how you feel about yourself after that counts.

If he breaks up with us because we won't have sex: that was all that mattered to him. So good riddance.

Further help and advice

teenadvice.about.com
Type in your postcode and find help in your area at ruthinking.co.uk
asexuality.org

REMEMBER: Sex under 16 is illegal

Written by Dr Melissa Sayer

Last updated 17th June 2007

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