The idea of going out with someone older can be really exciting. Fast cars, dinner dates, sophisticated conversation; an older partner can lead to increased freedom in all sorts of ways. But it can also cause problems.
Financial attraction
If your other half is working, they've probably got more money than you. This is a bonus at first, but when they're paying for everything, it makes it difficult for you to make any decisions. You won't feel like equal partners and they may use their generosity against you if you split.
Factoid One of the Rolling Stones – Bill Wyman – famously dated 13-year-old Mandy Smith when he was 46 – eww! The Sun
Different lifestyles
If they're over 18 and you're not, they'll want to go to pubs and clubs, places you can’t legally go. You'll be stuck with the choice of sneaking in (running the risk of major embarrassment if you get busted), staying in alone or stopping them from doing what they want. Their mates will probably be older than yours too, so group socialising is another problem.
An older person's motives
Ask yourself why they want to see someone younger. Maybe they've fallen madly in love but the real reasons could be less romantic. Some people love power and maybe they think a less experienced partner is easier to control. They might get a pervy kick out of dating someone underage, or perhaps they just can't pull anyone their own age. Be honest and look at your own motives too: are they really the best thing since sliced bread, or are you attracted because they're older?
Think!
It's easy to be impulsive when you think you're in love, but love can blind you to what's really going on. You need to try to keep a clear head before making any big decisions. If an adult has sex with a girl or boy under 16 they're breaking the law so think very carefully about what’s right for you, and them, before getting involved.
Talk to people you trust and get some advice. Remember, if they don't want you to tell anyone, that's a really bad sign, so get out right away.
Written by Kevin Darling
Last updated February 2009
Further help and advice
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Gabriella, 17
I have an intense relationship with my boyfriend Karl. Karl is 37 years of age. When we walk down the street hand in hand or kissing in the local park all the padestrians walk past and give us dirty looks. I think that if we love eachother that much then everyone should be able to accept that. Its not to much to ask is it? Plus - hes EXELENT in bed. (And just to let everyone know, we got together when I was 14. I knew what I was getting myself into and the fact of the matter is...I LOVE HIM!)
Alice, 14
my boyfriend is 18 in april and im 15 in june. all my friends think he's bad news which puts strain on the relationship. theres a 3 1/2 year age gap but i dont think its that big a deal as we're happy and we respect each other. we've been together for nearly a year.
Blu, 15
My Boyfriend is 18. He's Birthday is 6 days before mine. 15 and 18 sounds so wrong. But. I really, REALLY like him. We've been together for almost half a year now. All my friends thought we would never last. I didn't think we would. We live far from each other. But. I feel so happy around him. We're not doing anything wrong. I'm much happier with him than when I was with some one my own age. No one has a go at a 20 year old and a 23 year old right? So if we're not doing anything wrong, then whats so WRONG about it. I want my family to be HAPPY that I'm HAPPY
zarmeena, 15 going on 16
im going out with a 14 year old that is in year 9 and i am in year 11 and its great. . it actuly feels he is older then me,which makes me feel nice. . hes the sweetesxxx
Lianna, 13
my boyfriend is 19 and we get on really well. obviously he has sexual needs that i cant satisfy yet as i want to wait till im 16. My mum accepts us and thats all that matters. age is just a number after all! (:
Liz, 16
My gorgeous boyfriend is 23 and we couldn't be happier - we've been through some pretty tough arguments but we've come through it all and we're even stronger.
lauren, 15
i have been going out wih a 19 year old for about 7 months now and to be honest it is amazing,he doesnt push me into anything and he is willing too wait until im 16 to you know do it.he's kind & funny my parents like him alot and im madly in love with him
Louise, 18
My other half is four years my senior, I started seeing him when I was 16. I've always been told I'm mature for my age (if only they knew!) but on top of that he lives over 200 miles away- it becomes difficult at times to say the least! However, I think if you're both prepared to make the effort, things like that are not an issue ^.^
Melly, 17
My boyfriend is almost 22 and we met last summer when I had just finished Year 11. I was little apprehensive at first, and we have had some real opposition, mostly from his friends, but we're wonderful together. He is respectful of the fact that I push myself hard with college work and has always supported me despite being in full time work and not being under the same pressures as me. It's not for everyone, but as someone used to socialising with adults, it is enjoyable being with someone more mature who looks out for me. If you're sensible and tough enough to look out for yourself and not be intimidated or pressured they respect you and you can both learn from one another.
bev, 17
at the end of the day "age" doesnt matter, aslong as your both happy that what matters :) i have been seeing a lad whos 21 and hes much more matture then younger lads or lads of the same age,
Lily, 18
My Boyfriends 23 We get on like a house on fire. He understands that I want to wait to "Do-It" And he feels the same. And Plus my Parents really Like him. Were fully in love, and Were soon gonna be Celebrating our 4year anniverary
taylor, 17
I've been seeing a guy thats 22. it's a five year age gap, but I'm not going to be cynical about it. i trust him.
Danielle, 15
My boyfriends two years older than me, and we're really happy :)
Louie, 16
I Dont Think Age Matters At All , As Lond As Your Happy, And Your Not A Piece Of Cheese Of Course ;)
gemma, 18
i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now he is only a year and a half older than me. think it shouldn't matter what age you are. because you can't stop who you fall in love with. i always say age anit nothing but a number
Lilly, 22
I've just turned 22 and my boyfriend of almost a year is soon to be 20, although there's a 2 year age gap we get along great and are very much in love. He's heading to uiversity in September up in London and we are looking into moving in together. Age gap relationships do work just as much as other relationships. Love, trust, honesty, respect, friendship and patience are the main things that are needed to have a fulfilling lasting relationship.
Jemima, 21
I'm engaged to my boyfriend who's eight years older than me, but I think as long as you really love eachother and respect eachother, there's nothing wrong with an age gap, as long as it's not too wide. I mean, you won't find a person you adore to bits that's your exact same age every time, will you? It's all about if you really love the person.
aims, 17
theres nothing wrong with going out with someone older than you. it all depends on both peoples personalities and their own situations. i've always gone out with guys older than me because im mature for my age. it works fine most of the time and if its meant to be it will work out. but be careful, there are people out there who will use you, be warey and let your friends meet them as well.
Tee Elle , 14
my boyfriend is 13 and im 14 going to be 15 soon....i really like him alot and when we first met he thought i was in year nine funny enough i thought he was in year 11 ...i get alot of stick when people find out,and we almost broke up but my best riend told me it was stupid because you like him alot besides he's way tall compare to you lol...my best advice would be as long as your intentions are good ...dont worry about what people think ...x
doug, 15
my girl freind is only 4 months older than me but because she is born in august and i'm in december, she is an academic year older than me so most of her freinds are a year older and it is quite strange meeting them but fun at the same time
ryan, 20
i ahve been with my gf for 1 and a half yrs. i met her when i was 18. if its the right person and you are CERTAIN you are going to be happy with the person then i do not see a problem with a bit of an age gap as long as you both know what you are getting into. im just happy with an older women because my ex was childish but also ive allways been mature and acted older than my age. it differs with people. just be careful you do not get hurt.
kay, 17
i have been seeing my m8s brothers for a couple of weeks and he is a year younger all my mate think its wrong but i really like him and i think that as long as we are both enjoying are selfs there isnt much ne one can say abut it!!!
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