What is it?
Self-harm means deliberately injuring ourselves. Often this leaves a mark, a scar, draws blood or leaves a bruise. The most common ways of doing this are cutting, scratching or pricking to draw blood, burning, picking at old wounds, punching or head-banging a wall.
Who does it?
All kinds of people self-harm, but it's most common among girls age 15-19 and men aged 20-24. It's not known exactly how many people self-harm, as it's often hidden.
Why do they do it?
The reasons people self-harm are often misunderstood. It isn't about attention seeking. Or wanting to die.
Most people who self harm have been through bad stuff in their lives. Bullying. Or abuse. Or bad family relationships. They may feel bad about themselves. As pressure builds up, self harm can feel the only way of dealing with it. Sometimes a physical pain provides a relief to the feelings in their head.
They may want to punish themselves. Because they feel guilty or worthless. Or they may feel the cutting acts like a pressure valve, allowing them to relax.
Self-harmers usually want to stop, but don't know how else to cope. They may not know how to express emotions, or perhaps they believe that they're bad and deserve to be punished.
What should I do if I self-harm?
You don't have to keep it secret or let it rule your life. Talk to someone today. Start with your GP or one of the organisations below.
In the meantime, try doing something else when you get the urge to harm. Get outside and do something else. Learn to spot when the pressure is building up. Know that everyone has times like this. And that you deserve a gentler way of dealing with it.
Install a punch bag. Beat up a pillow. Squeezing an ice-cube or flicking an elastic band works for many people.
What if one of my friends self-harms?
The most important thing is to be accepting and not judgemental. Offer to listen if they want to talk. Gently try to persuade them to get professional help and not to keep it secret.
But remember, it's not your fault if they harm, and you mustn't feel guilty if they carry on.
Nor should you join in. Peer pressure is a powerful thing. Self harming is good for nobody. And the marks last forever.
Further help and advice
The Site: Self Harm advice
Harmless
Mind: Understanding Self Harm
Or you can call Childline on 0800 1111 (free) or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 (cost of a local call), 24/7, to talk about your feelings.
Written by Dr Melissa Sayer
Last updated March 2009
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dontwannasay, dontwannasay
I self-harm because I am bullied, I have scars all around my wrists. I do regret it but then then bullying just starts again so I keep doing it :( I need help!
michelle, 16
it started when i was 14 my friend got diagnosed with cancer. the thought of me loosing her made me self harm. she died a week before her 15th birhday. when i found out i wanted to kill myself so that night i tried but i thought that i couldnt do it cuase i never wanted to put my friend though what i went though. so i selfe harmed again i carved her name on my leg arms it took me a while to tell my best friend about it. i had hit rock bottom. when i seen the blood i never felt pain. i wanted to go through pain like what she did.now i have cut down casue i have started college and i am begining to get my life back on track=] x
Jodii, 13
I self harmed the other day as I felt really depressed. I said I wouldn't do it again but I felt really proud of my cuts and I keep being tempted to cut again. I'm scared and just hope I have the willpower not to.
Secret, 16
I used to cut myself, for the blood, for the release of emotions. I was depressed. But the best way to stop is having someone care about you enough to tell you to stop, tell you that they care and try to get you help. It doesn't happen instantly of course, but if you have a friend with these problems try to help them in any way you can because, trust me it only gets worse. I still want to do it frequently but I don't because I think of how proud my boyfriend is, and how lovely his hands feel on my (almost) unblemished skin.
Caty, 14
My parents recently split up and i thought it was my fault so i began self-harming to try and punish myself but then i realised there were better ways to deal with it, i know keep a diary and i am seeing a councilour. ive also realised that its not my fault my parents broke up, dont self harm there are better ways to deal with it. :)
Charlie, 26
Self Harm can happen to anyone at any age. I try and quit but then every time i see my scars, then the urge comes back stronger and stronger. I sometimes don't think thers any point of quitting because im allreadt covered in scars so a few more won't hurt
random, ?
i self harm and some people know and call me emo and i hate people saying what im not but people dont understand.....
Angie, 14
to those who have self-harmed and stopped & now have scars they dislike:be proud of them. they are proof you lived through and ordeal and were strong enought to pull yourself out of it. they are not marks to be ashamed of but you should be proud that now they are only scars and not scabs.to anyone still self-harming: whenever you feel like it, do something else to that area of skin, put ice on it, draw on it (in red marker?) or draw big angry X's on a pad of paper.
Hannah, 15
I used to self harm a lot, then i stopped for about a month or two, now i've started again. last time i told a "friend" she just joked about it and made me feel worse. This time i dont think i can tell anyone.
Christie, 14
My best friend has been self harming and I had obviously tried to stop her doing it but I tried to reason with her, like tell me all about whats wrong. She hasn't stopped but is trying to wean off. I've never self-harmed and I never realised how hard it is to stop.
Sarah, 21
I think there needs to be more awareness of self-harm so people can get the help that they need. Almost everbody who self-harms does want to stop but just does not know how to. I started to properly hurt myself at 13, and started trying to stop at about 15. I think the longest I have ever gone without hurting myself is 2-3 months. Without proper help I don't think I will ever be able to say that I am an ex-harmer.
Anonymous, 12
Self-harming isn't attention seeking at all, it makes you feel better and it is ssoooo addicting. I hav self harmed and tried to kill myself it wasn't because i was attention seeking it was because i am bullied about my hair colour and my glasses and even the fact i am smart. When you self harm it makes you feel much better at first but then u catch a sight of your cut or scars and it is awful.
Alice, 14
There is a big taboo about self harm and people find it unacceptable to discuss. I am a self harmer, well i'm soon to be an ex self harmer, as I have gone for 5 weeks without giving it a second thought. Poetry and writing helps me to express my thoughts and feelings in a more positive way.
Ella, 14
I used to cut myself, not too long ago. I cut really deep, and the last couple of times, I thought i was going to die because they wouldn't stop bleeding. the scars are really horrible, and all over my arms.Looking back, i absolutely hate what i've done to myself. i only get one body, and this is what i've done too it. i have to deal with this for the rest of my life now. I hate it.If you are thinking about cutting, don't start. It only makes things worse. And if you do, please, get out as soon as you can. Don't end up where i am.
Why?,
I'm not a self harmer, but i can understand why people do it. What i don't get is how the pain and guilt of self harm on top of any problem can make it better. for any self harmer, stop coz no matter who you are, someone out there cares and loves you very much and would cry if they saw you hurt. JUST TRY AND GET HELP!
Anon, 14
I started self harming a few weeks ago, and confided in a friend who had just stopped self harming herself. She has recently informed teachers in my school of the problem, and now I feel harrassed by them. I know I should get help for my own good, but I'd rather sort this out alone.
anna, 22
I used to self harm when i was 16 i at the time i was just haveing problems with my family and other problems too it seemed like the only way out i was very close to being taken to hospital because of one of the times i self harmed it was lucky it wasnt so serious as i think i wouldnt be here now. Anyway i am well now and have never self harmed sinse. But i have to say the scars will always be there to remind me and its not nice. When you get better and older you will probably realise but my advice would be just try and get some help.
Laila, 13
i've only just started self harming but im already addicted. its something i turn to because my life isnt going to well. i want to stop and i regret starting but its hard, i've tryed to talk to someone but i just freeze up. i need to get my life sorted out :|
Tabee, 14
Been self harming for 2 years now. It got bad at the start of this summer, I've been feeling suicidal and even planned how to kill myself. Im getting help soon But I dont see how is gunna work, I feel even more trapped then before!. Self harming isn't just because of attention seeking, PEople lock feelings up deep inside and the only way to get rid of them is by self harming. xxx
Leafy, 16
i have been a selfharmer for 2 years and i told someone i trusted after about a year and it was the best thing i ever did. but if i ever have a relapse (most people have many) i feel so guilty when she finds out because i feel as though i have failed her in some way. DONT START IT WILL TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE!!
Em.., 14
About a year and a half ago my best friend told me that she had been self-harming, I was so upset. She showed me the scars on her legs and it really crushed me. I tried to convince her to get help but she wouldn't, so since then i've tried to be as supportive as I can. Shes reassured me that shes stopped noe and she seems happier in herself.
Charlotte, 15
It's difficult. It becomes an addiction. It's just like... A way to release all that stress. I have had a lot of crap recently... and I don't want people thinking I am sad. For me when they know I am upset it makes me feel weak.I like to keep it to myself. Getting hard to cover it up now though.
laila, 17
i self harmed becuase i didnt know what else to do i felt ugly and stupid and fat becuase my boyfriend left me and i wanted to be prettier and skinnier and i just felt so stupid for not seeing that he was cheating on me so i thought i would hurt myself for been so thick. i havnt done it again but theres times when i have felt like it when ive been crying but ive stopped myself.a lot of my friends have done it too and its not something what freeks do its something what most people have done when things have got tough.
Nikki, 14
My friend moved schools because her foster mum found out she was self harming. I think she's even more upset now and it affected me pretty bad becuase i was the only one she told and i had to keep it secret.It was hard becuase i didn't like thinking about one of my best friends doing it.I feel guilty for making her tell an adult because maybe she would still be at my school and happier.
megan, 16
I self harm.It takes alot for a person to say that.To say that they are depressed is even worse.Im depressed and i have been self harming for years.At one poinyt i told my mum that i ewas going to committ suicide.so she took me to the docters who refferred me to a shrink.He told me what was wrong and told me that i was alright.I wasnt.But in most cities they have an nspcc plavce or something like that.THEY HELP.im still depressed but they are slowly helping me to get back on my toes.
Jayde, 17
I've self harmed since I was 13.There has been one person in my whole 4 years as a self mutilator who has found out. She called me a freak, and was more concerned for her own safety, because it was her belief that I'd injure her. I do it as a coping mechanism for friend,family and A Level stuff. I'm not suicidal, I'm not abused etc. I just like the feeling of blood runnning down my skin, the way the scars look and feel under my shirt. I'm not going to tell anyone not to do it, because I'll be a hypocrite and to be honest, sometimes people NEED to do it. It's just better sometimes if you didn't. Occasionaly I try to think of reasons why I shouldn't cut myself, and I always come up with this reason, Scars last your lifetime, The feeling of self harm only lasts about 15 mintues. I've started watching lots of Lee Evans online, and on the TV etc. He makes me laugh so much that I forget to be sad. Thats all I've got to say... x
Sky, 15
I've self harmed since I was eleven on and off. I didn't tell anyone until 6 months ago my boyfriend noticed the scars. I'm trying really hard to give up I found that taking up boxing really helped as I can channel my anger in to my punches. I felt so much better after admitting everything as now I have someone non judgemental who'll be there morning or night for me. He's my rock.
Cassidy, 15
My friend (now boyfriend) used to self harm but i kept trying to get him to stop and made him give me his razers in school which actually worked because just knowing he had someone there who cares about him and who doesn't wantto see him hurt himself anymore was just enough toget him to stop altogether and he hasn't cut for nearly a year now
Annoymous, 14
I self harm and i want to stop i have managed now a week without cutting myself it's really hard i found telling someone makes you want to stop more because when you do it you feel more unhappy.I want to tell my parents but when i get to it i seem to back out because i think what will the think i know i'll have to tell them some-day but i dont think im ready to let it out yet.
Rachael , 16
I have self harmed since i was 11 and as the years go on the deeper the cuts get. I can stop for months and not get urges to do it but i know that even tho i wont want to do it for ages it will never be the last tym! because as soon as something else goes wrong its a way out for a short time every thing just disappears buts its only a mask . . sometimes i dont even realise ive done it till i wake up the next morning and find them on my arms! i want to stop but nothing any one can say will help ? its really embarassing when people notice and comment its humiliating i want to stop but im so ashamed! its addictive ...
B, 22
I do believe some people do it for attention but I did it for 5 years without a single person finding out, it was my privacy and I didn't want anyone else to judge me. I haven't self harmed for about 2 years now. I realised that although some things that haunt me in my past I culdn't change but the things that I hated about my life at that time I could get away from (crappy boyfriend, crappy job and more). It's not as easy when ur at school cos ur not given much of a say about things, but believe me u get more freedom afterwards and u see things differently that u can do something about things not just put up with it. Don't start and just know it will get better, but you do have to want it for yourself
Laura, 17
I self harm because i dont know how else to cope. I recently had a miscarage which distryed my world, and along with other problems, self harming is the only solution for me.
Gemma , 13
self harm is so hard to quit. i used to self harm for about 1 year. my friends started worrying, i was thinking about suicide. the only thing on me mind was self harm, should i do it, should i not. i finally realised life was too short to be sad
Annonymous, 15
i have been self harming for a year no body had knew at first until it got to much that i coulddnt handle it any more and then i had to tell some one and now i am happy because i have got the help that i need and now dont do it
anna, 13
I used to self harm on the soft skin around my boobs. I did it there becuse no one could see it in PE and stuff. I did it becuase my mum had an affair and i caught her and my parents devorsed. It was my boyfriend who noticed. He put his hand down my top and when he took it out there was blood on his fingers. I then broke down and told him what i was doing. He let me speak to him whenever i needed to and he baught me a big teddy that i take out my anger on. He has stuck by me all the way through...thanks bbz. xox
Honor, 13
I gave up self harm 3 months ago, i found people that were there for me and helped me so much, but now that has been taken away from me i still have the problem, dont worry, your not alone.
billy, 26
i started self harmin when i was 24 cus id feel bad or down about my self and i felt it was away of copein but i decided 2 tell some 1 and it as helped i do ave my bad days but i know they are there if i need 2 talk so do tell some1 if ya feel the way i did
hunni, 21
iv self harmed for 5 years, luckily i dont have many scars as i dont cut that deep. iv decided to finally get help though which seems really scary at first but trust me you feel so much better for it. just make sure the person you decide to tell is some one you trust. it does get easier xxx
Lesleyann, 14
I done self harming for over a year and it is not a nice thing and i got over it in the end but now i am worried about my friend cause she has done it longer and she wants to kill herself but she won't talk to me about it so it is a real hard thing to get over it can control your life in some aspects it is a little demon on your shoulder tell you should but then an angel on the other shoulder saying you shouldn't it is hard to get over. If you still do it you should tell a friend or a teacher they will help you and you will stop i have stopped doing it but i get the urge to do it now and again when things in my life don't go right. just talk to some it is the best way.
Steph , 14
I am a self harmer , and I reccomend that anyone who hasn't self harmed yet , then don't start , because it's not nice. some people do it because they find that self harming is the only way of solving whatever their problem is , but there are better ways to deal with things then harming yourself , also you'll have the scars for the rest of your life to remind you of it which you dont want , so please dont start. xxxx
Annonymous, 12
Self harm is a serious problem and now it's seems like it the new 'Fashion' whats most people calls Emo's. Emo's just do it for attention and dont actually have a problem. I self harm and i'm to scared to tell my parents. I even rang child line when i was 10-11 but i'm stil scared.It's very hard to stop :(
Analies., 16
I used to self harm. Alot. Whenever anything wasnt going right, or when I felt numb and wanted to feel, or to take my mind off what was going on insdie and focus on the physical pain. My entire body is covered in scars, some more noticable than others and of course people notice and ask questions. Selfharming is something that will remain with me for life I'm sure because even though I am able to resist the temptation nowadays, there is always something in the back of my mind tempting me to draw red lines down my body. I also broke my knuckle on multiple occasions smashing them into walls, and whenever I'm angry I really have to fight the urge to do it. And hey, sometimes i still do. But i'm getting there. I hate when people say its all about seeking attention because its so not. I always have to wear a wristband, and am so conscious of being exposed in the summer, and most of my friends just dont get it, and good for them really. If you like the sight of blood and thats why you do it, try squeezing an icecube made of water and red food dye. You still get to watch the red pouring and sense of destruction without the longterm damage... And just remember, things can get better x
Soph, 18
When I was 16, I accidently cut through a vein on my wrist. I was rushed to hospital and it's lucky that I was. I was referred to a GP, who decided after 5 minutes that I'd spent the last 6 years injuring myself out of boredum and to gain attention. I later was referred to a psychologist within my high school who disagreed with the GP. I've mainly stopped for about a year, but I've had a couple of relapses since then. It's hard, but worth it. My advice, don't just try and stop, it's a guarantee that you will do it again. You had to speak to somebody, be it a GP, friend or something similar. A friend is good cause it's amazing the distractions they give you. And I understand how difficult it is to tell somebody, but definately worth it =)
Rhiannon, 15
I was a self harmer for 5 years, until my p.e. teacher noticed it, she talked to me in private. It took a long time and alot of support but now I haven't self harmed in 4 months.Tell Someonem you trust and explain everything that is causing it, don't hide things then they build up again.Loads of love xx
Siobhan..xO., 15
I used to self harm until i realised that its pointless as there is so many people there to help and talk to you. i spoke to my school nurse and now i feel much better about things and when i think my life is so low i dance instead of cut or curn myslef cos dancing is what i liek to do best!. hjelps keep my mind off things! try it!! taklking is the best way believe me might be one of the hardest but it doesnt leave scars! xx
sianx, 11
My sister used to self harm herself because of family problems. It used to tear me apart.Once she sore wot she had done she couldnt take no more she wouldnt eat shes now anorexit but shes got some help shes now a bit better.But please get help or tell someone my sister used to talk to a diary its the best way to get things out in the open!Take my advice get help.xx
Rosie, 14
I have self harmed for nearly two years now and its a hard thing to get over. I'm trying very hard to quit with the help of my friends who have been very supportive. Tell someone if you do self harm, they can help you and they won't hate you whatever you think!
tylor, 15
i am a self harmer and it is not nice and people to this because thet fell alone and when you start then you will find it hard to stop and all you have to remember that there is help out there so just remember that and plz plz plz do not self harm just get help for it and the people you tell make sure you can trust them.DO NOT START
Boo, 14
people say it is attention seking but its not, people who self harm have big or small issues in their life that they want sorted but done tknow what to do. I find poetry helps and music but its hard to stop.
Bre, 15
Self mutilating is so hard to quit. No matter who you have promised. If you don't hurt yourself, don't start it. If you do cause yourself harm, really try to stop. I have cut for about a year and a half now and I'm trying super hard to quit. But it's always your first thought that pops into your head. The only thing that I have found to help make the desire to do it go away is writing. Writing helps me express my feelings in a way that doesn't hurt myself. My advice to any cutters/self-mutilaters is to find something you love to do and whenever you want to hurt yourself, do that activity.
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