Agrrrrraaaaaaaaaah!
Everyone gets angry. Even the most ambient trance fans. It's normal.
But learning to control our anger? And spotting that anger gets us nowhere?
That's something we only learn as we grow up
Toddlers stamp. Shout. And hit. When adults lose it, we just make ourselves look idiotic. Much better to be cool, smile, and walk on by. It makes us the better person. War won.
Anger is dangerous.
And not just because we might end up with a fist in our face.
People who get angry get heart attacks, strokes and high cholesterol levels more often than the more relaxed among us.
Anger is on the increase.
- 66% of teachers believe standards of behaviour have declined
- 30% of 16 to 24 year olds admit to aggressive behaviour when shopping.
- 71% of internet users admit to net rage. And 50% of us have reacted by hitting our PC, hurling parts of it around, or screaming abuse.
- 1 in 3 Londoners agree "I often feel I can't cope because of I feel under too much pressure”
So why's it happening?
You tell me. If you can figure it out, I recommend a job in Politics. Some say it is the pace of modern life. Or the bad role models on TV (here's looking at you, Big Brother). Maybe it's due to the breakdown in families, communities and religious values. But who knows?
We all need to decide what is really making us angry. Then we can figure out how to stop. Maybe it means avoiding someone, or something. Or maybe we just need more control of our life. And quit pretending to be something we're not. Everyone has something that stresses them out.
So what to do when our blood boils?
Recognise the warning signs. Some days we are just on edge, ready for a fight. Keep these days to a minimum. Do the nice stuff. Feet up with I-pod and magazine does it for me. Learn to chill.
Annialate tension with exercise. I'm serious. I defy anyone to be wound up after a couple of laps round the park.
Detox the brain: Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs make us more edgy.
If you feel the anger boiling up, force yourself to smile. A big grin. And move away.
Just remember. We're out of nappies. We're in charge. And half and hour spent being angry is thirty minutes less being cool.
Written by Dr Melissa Sayer
Last updated 3rd July 2007
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john, 14, 14
i feel myself boiling up of anger, i can't stop it,i seem to hate everyone. i feel like fighting sometimes or punching someone, i try not to but hard to control myself.
shanice, 16
i have a really baad temper, all my friend havve noticed of ti and some of them are even wary of me because i can just lose it. When im angry i normally punch walls or doors or something but on a few occasions i have got into some very messy fights, which i'm not proud of and got me into some serious trouble. my anger started to worsen when i hit 13/14 but ive been told it is cause by an underlying problem which makes me so angry. I still don't know what that is and would appreciate if anyone knows of anywhere or online or w/e that could help me sort it out. xx
Mr E, 26
Ok.. I've been reading some of the comments on this page and can't stop myself from writting some advice as I've been in the same position as some of you all. All you need to learn is some shame.. Take some time out in a personal space, ie a bedroom or somewhere you feel relaxed then think of the person in your life that you never want to show yourself up too, close your eyes and imagine a situation where you are in front of that person and they are seeing you in this state of anger that you get into. If you can imagine the look on their face and how much it would embarrass you then you should try and remember that feeling every time you feel like you're losing control. I've actually made myself blush thinking like that before! Remember that rage/anger is a human function though and you don't want to lose it completely. Take up heavy exercise and use it there to push yourself further than you would normally go, it really does help!
Ellz, 16
i have reallly baad anger as i have got older.. but its because i hate the word 'NO' as most of us do! & falling out with my perants because they think there right all the time & it gets me down & becuz i cant alwayz do what i want because they dont really trust me but i do gt away with mosta the fings i do .. but i really need 2 start taking responsability with more things as im gettin older! x
rory, 14
my anger has really isolated me from my family, thinking before speaking really is a necessity if you have trouble with your anger, learning to avoid hitting things comes after.
Jesss, 15
i have such a bad anger problem ; i jus cannot help myself. the slightest thing can set me off.. punchin walls and lockers normallyy calm me down a bit .. buh after that im jus in pain and then coz im in pain i get angry; its like one big circlee.. wen i do get angry its like i dont realisee whats happenin so i just go with whatever ; its mostly in schoool because nowun shows respect to me.. and pupils are scared of me and younger years think im goin to do somethin to them.. because some have seeen me angryy and they have heard about meee; sooo annnoyyin !
Robyn, 12
i get anger when ppl dont do what i say or dont leave me alone mostley with my brother with my anger io start of with screaming abuse really horrible abuse sometimes i just have to hit them but i dont wanna hit them i just cant controll my self when im angrey i dont think b4 my actions thanks this webb has helped me a lil bit i just need a lil bit more
JT,, 17
I have anger 'issues' I prefer to call them then problems. An issue is far easier to deal with than a problem. In life, you're never given more than you can cope with, and that's true, I think a mistake people make is they let the FEELING of not being able to deal with it take over. To deal with my issue, when I get angry I crush the physical side of my anger down. Shouting gets me nowhere, so I find it's best to leave the situation, and hold that anger for something else. I do alot of exercise, rowing, running, mountain biking, rock climbing etc, and the anger motivates me, especially when rowing, as it's such a painful sport, that anger gives you a hit of adrenaline, and you feel incredibly powerful. Plus, if you keep the anger in, when you do need to get physical asy on a night out when someone's causing you trouble, the aggression comes in very handy.Basically, store the anger, and control when it comes out.
Secret, 24
Ive got anger issues. I feel like a angry spolit child most of the time atm cos i'm depressed too. A good thing someone suggested for me to do is to hold it until I get to a place where there is no-one around and then you can let rip screaming or punch something or get a bat and hit a pillow whatever you feel like doing! Its great, you have freedom to express it, and cos no-one can see you it doesnt hurt or scare them and they dont have to know about it either. Its ok to be angry sometimes, its nothing about being a boy or girl, it matters how you let it out though!
georgina, 14
i have anger problems and its got im in soo much trouble iv already been chucked out of 2 schools i want to b able 2 conteoll it but i carnt
Ciaran, 17
I've got a proper bad rage problem which doesn't help when you work in retail. My issue is I don't have an outlet to let my anger out, but something tiny can spark me off, I've already had to call my Head Office warning them that they might get a complaint about me...
Sophie, 16
i've got a very short temper, i only have to get into a small argument and im ready for the fight! Before, i've often found that punching something (not someone) is more painfull than getting into a fight, the wall cant punch you back, but over the years i've learnt to keep things to a minimum, and calm myself down. If i know im having one of those ''edgy'' days i'll tell one person to keep people away from me becuase i dont want to snap, it works then within a few hours im all good again. if anyone thinks they have an anger problem, try this first and see if it helps, or just keep your mouth shut when you start getting ''hot under the collar'' or simply walk away :)
someone, y
theres a boy in my class and he cant control his anger once he got a pen and he was soooooooo angry hge actually burst the pen oh man and he sits next to me he is always getting like dis it is scary!!!!
Sam, 14
Im most probably the wordt for anger. last year it was very stressful for all the family but they all took it out on different people in the family and it all ended up on me the youngest one day i just got so fed up at school i threatened someone at school with a knife and that was just part of my anger. i went to my doctor and all they did was send me to see someone to see if i had ADHD which didn't really help but now i have about 5 anger management teachers but they don't work the only thing that works for me is either self harm or to hit someone but what im trying to say here is if you do get suddenly angry don't be afraid to ask the school for anger management it does work on most people but only if you start seeing them when its brewing but not when you do some thing as bad as mec ya all hope to talk to some people l8r onX
Lou, 13
One of my mates has REALLY bad anger problems and its SOOO annoying, so now i am starting to get angreir and it isn't helping at home so should i stay friends with them? or should i turn away? xx
kath, 11
At school i never get angry its just at home i just get SO fustrated at my parents they just annoy me without any reason and then after I've done something mean to them and we've had an arguement I really regret it!
vithuja, 12
i am fine at school, but at home if my parents or siblings asked me something i might just snap at them. if it is my sister i might even lash out at her. the only problem afterwards is that my parents and sister barely talk to me. so then i am upset and they will come along. ill lash out at them again. a lot of the times i won't even realise what is going on till i have hurt myself and or others.
Jinx, 14
I have a really bad temper i'm not a bully but people tend to be scared of me because of my height but people won't even talk to me if they know about my snap in a second temper i've been told it's because one minute i'm completly calm and the next i'll just lash out violence, verbal abuse (like my brain isn't connected to my mouth)It's like i know what i'm doing but can't control myself once someones flicked the switch.I Apologize to everyone i snapped at for no reason. and fo babbling on so long
sophie, 13
i often get really angry sometimes for no reasons.i used to normally punch walls have fights and slammed doors all the time.then my form tutor and parents helped me with it and it happens less often.i sometimes still punch things (at the moment i have a broken finger/knucle from it).it doesnt happen a oten though ani found that talking to someone helps even though its hard and we think its a bit lame.x
onelife
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