What is it?
There are four main types of abuse:
- Neglect - "I come home to an empty house every day, there's nothing in the fridge. No one notices if I go to school or not." This is the most common form of abuse. It's when our basic needs - like food, clothing or warmth - aren't properly met.
- Physical abuse - "I wear long sleeves to cover the bruises and throw a sickie on swimming days so no one finds out." This is where someone physically hurts us, by physical punishments or any violent treatment.
- Emotional abuse - "My mum tells me I am a bitch. She blames me for my dad moving out." This could be a complete lack of love and attention, or too much spiteful and cruel attention.
- Sexual abuse - "I hate it when my uncle visits. I wish we had a lock on our bedroom door." This is when someone treats us in a sexual way or shows us sexual images, when we're under 16 years old, or when we don't want them to. Adults who sexually abuse, or want to sexually abuse, children are called paedophiles.
I think I'm being abused...
You must tell someone. Please. There are people who can help you. Talk to an adult you trust like a teacher or your GP. You can also call Childline for confidential advice (details below).
Reasons people give for not telling someone:
- No one will believe me
- I am scared to tell
- I don't know who to trust
- Telling someone will make things worse
Trust me. However hard it seems, some things have to be told. The consequences almost never as bad as we imagine.
I think someone I know is being abused...
Tell an adult you trust, even if you just feel worried and don't have any proof. Keeping silent isn't helping anyone except the abuser. The NSPCC can give you lots of help and advice: 0808 800 5000 and Childline can also offer support: 0800 1111.
Can you tell if someone's an abuser?
Not by looking at them. Abusers don't all look creepy or dirty, they're often very cunning and clever and may seem normal and respectable. They may be fun, intelligent and helpful, too. Two-thirds of paedophiles are known to the people they abuse. They may be a relative or family friend. This can make it extra hard to tell someone what's going on - but it's vital that you do.
Is there anything I can do to keep safe?
Yes. Learning what abuse means is the first step. Recognising if it going on is another. But most importantly - knowing you deserve 100% better. No one deserves abuse.
Further help and advice
Slink: A real-life story about abuse
childline.org.uk or call 0800 1111
there4me.com or call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000
Written by Dr Melissa Sayer
Last updated February 2009
Disclaimer: Thee BBC cannot be held responsible for the content of external websites
Anon., 39
I was sexually abused for many years as a child by my Dad. I didnīt tell anyone,I was too embarrased,I felt guilty, I didnīt know who to tell and also I didnīt want our family to fall apart.After suffering with depression for many years I finally opened up and talked about my past.i am now seeing a therapist and finally getting the help I need. i know how hard it is, I didnīt have the courage to speak up.There is a lot more help offered nowdays. If you have the courage get help as soon as possible. DONT LET ABUSE RUIN YOUR LIFE !!
Carla, 21
I had an abusive boyfriend, who I had to stick with for 3 years. He wouldn't let me go out, see my friends or family and eventually I didn't talk to anyone. He hit me whenever he got angry, even if I wasn't involved. I had tried to leave him a few times before, with endless amounts of trips to Casualty. I finally plucked up the corage to tell my mum after he had gone out with his friends. She called the Police and he was arrested and charged, I then moved in with mum for abit and found out I was pregnant, and I'm now slowly trying to get my life back on track. Don't put up with it, tell someone - No-body deserves to be abused, in anyway.
Sally, 15
I dont think it is right that all these comments are saying you must tell someone. I was abused by my cousin when i was 8, and kept it a secret untill i was 14. I told a teacher who then told my mum. It gave me a better relationship with my mum but after it was reported to the policei had to have councelling. People who havnt ecperienced sexual abuse cant say you must tell your parents, because they dont realise how hard it really is to speak out.
Kate, 15
i was approached by my trainee teacher at school. at first he seemed harmless but then he got too interested in me. he asked asked me wat i was doing at weekends and tried to lift my skirt in the corridors and i soon began to dread going to the school department i orginally loved. but then i told and unlike wat i thot it got so much better and i felt safe again. so tell
Anon, 25
I come from a messed up family and I was the main scapegoat with my sisters for the marraige, divorce and many ova things that happen! And I have only just realised that me and my sisters have been emotionally, physically and financially abused by both our parents. I didnt realise this till now.If you are being abused and you do realise it you are in tune with your gut instincts listen to them, say something to someone you trust and seems understanding. Keeping it inside only makes people sad and depressed and it all explodes later on and costs you your well-being which is important.
Liz, 13,
I used to get sexually abused by a friend of the family when I was younger and I thought it was normal even though i hated it. Now I wish I told someone. DON'T be like me, if u're being abused tell someone. It could save lots of problems and make you feel better.
Elizabeth, 13
In primary, i was bullied. When i knew that it wouldn't stop, i went straight to my parents and my dad went to my school to sort it out. Because i've had dah experience, i know how to handle myself. I recently learnt Judo in PE and I feel re-asured dat I have defense techniques just in case something happens. If ur being hurt or worried dat u might, i say u should learn martial arts because if ur in danger, u can protcect yourself!!!
Dani, 14
Abuse is horrible and if its happening to you. REPORT IT.
alina, 14
if you are getting abused and sexual harrasments towards you dont keep it to yourself because that is not right tell someone who is close to you and what ever else you can do so please dont be scared because there is no need to be just tell someone straight away
Dayna k, 18
i av read a lot of stuff about these kind of abuses and it is better to tell someone becuse once you have thire is less worrying feel the same as everyone and you will be more happer.
shazina b, 14
if u gt abused please tell sum1 then it will ghet sorted out and he/she will get punished , cuz if you keep it trapped inside you thats just like saying yur not gunna tell no1 because you really want it to happen agen eeeyw!....so please tell sum1 dont be scared!
Katie, 15
I'm being emotionally abused by my dad. I always get the blame for everything that goes wrong, and he likes to embarass me in front of his family. My mum knows this is happening, but she doesnt seem to be able to do anything about it. I recently tackled a bullying problem at school, and I now realise that my dad is a bully, but there is no one that I can tell. It just seems to be getting worse...
Hannagh, 16
If your being abused don't hide it.Cause if you do then it will make your life harder.I used to be abused but then my Aunty helped out why i got smacked.It's beacause when you get smacked its not your parents fault.Its just your mom&dad care about you so they smack you to make them feel better.If you live in NZ call the kidsline.
,
too many people don't fudging realise that it is extremely hard to come out about abuse, especially if it is your own parents, because even if they abuse u, they r still ur parents, and they have still helped to make u gro up.
olliee, 16
you haven't mentioned how hard it is to tell someone you're being abused. its a good thing to do, but you have to be prepared for it because its one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do and it brings up a lot of unwanted emotions.
Sophie, 16
I was sexually abused and i have only just been able to tell my parents and now he has been reported to the police, i thought that no one would believe me but now its out in the open i feel relieved that i dont have to deal with this on my own. I am now having councelling. People shouldnt be able to get away with this so dont be scared and tell someone.
Laura, 14
I was emotionally abused after my dad died. It made me hate myself, and I felt like I couldn't do anything about it beceause no one would believe me. The whole experience changed me, and I think it may have even made me stronger. If you've been abused, it helps to talk about it. Even if the abuse moves away, doesn't mean it's over - the pain doesn't stop that easily.
emma, 18
Everyones advice is too tell someone and that is the best advice,it is very hard but if you keep this 'secret' inside it will make you very unhappy even when if the abuse has stopped. when you tell someone you will really so relieved and not so alone. you don't have to tell them everything, just what you want them to no. you will be able to get support which will be confidential and have someone to talk your experiences through with at your own pace. the abuse will carry on untill the circumstances change and you can make this happen so be brave and take the first step.
Cassie, 16
You really don't have to live with it you can tell one of your closest mates, mum, teacher.. Someone you can trust you don't have to live with it.. There is childline and other websites for advice just remeber your not alone and you wont be in the wrong to tell..x
philippa, 16
i think its best to speak out, when i was abused by my step-brother when i was young, i kept it inside for a couple of years, and the pain actually builds up and u feel more lost. when u speak out you feel much better and a huge weight taken off your sholuder, and you are given so much support and advice. if your carnt talk to your paretnts, like me. Go to your GP =]
Nichole, 14
For 4 years i was sexual abused,but then i told a friend and they told the teacher after 4 years but i was so scared. Peole that do this have no right girls or boys tell someone dont be scared just tell someone and i know thats not easy but try your best.
aaa, 11
if your getting abused tell some one then they might be able to help and then you wont get hurt any more i got abused (bullied)and it was horrible i didnt tell any one at first cos i thought it would go away then it got out of hand i wish i had of told someone now
onelife
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