Karisma was shocked when her father told her that he'd arranged for her to marry someone when she turned 16. Here's her story...
Karisma's Story
Growing up, I often imagined getting married to the man of my dreams. He had to be good looking, funny and really take care of me. However, I never in a million years dreamt of this marriage happening at such a young age.
I was only 14 when my dad came to me one morning and said he had some news. He told me that I had been "asked for". I repeated the words in my head and tried to make sense of them. He continued: Fenar, who was one of my dad's friends, said he was hoping his son could find a suitable wife… and my dad had suggested me.
Standing my ground
I felt so betrayed by him. My own father was 'selling' me off to an 18 year old who I didn't even know. I immediately objected but he wouldn't take no for an answer. My mum died when I was six, so there was no one else in the house I could turn to. But I knew someone else who could help.
I called my aunt and tried to explain the situation to her. It made sense to stay at hers for a while, so I began to gather up my things. As I was doing so, my dad burst into my room.
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Confrontation
We had a big argument about the whole situation. He told me how I wouldn't marry this guy until I was 16, when it was legal. He said that this was the life he had planned out for me. I wouldn't have to leave school; just move in with my husband and be the traditional wife outside of school hours.
I told him I was sorry, but that it would never happen. I grabbed my things and vowed not to return.
Family support
When I got to my aunt's, I explained everything in full. She went mad and so did my Grandma. They talked it through with my dad, but he wouldn't listen. He kept on saying that I was his daughter and that he should be the one to make the decisions. My Grandma would not have any of it and so, I moved in with her.
Moving forward
A year and a half on and my dad is finally off the idea of me getting married so young, but I still find it too hard to trust him enough to move back. I live with my Gran full time and am currently studying for my GCSE's.
Next year I'm going to college and maybe after that I'll start thinking about a husband... but one that I love and who will love me back.
SLINK SAYS: arranged marriages are very complex. There are loads of different opinions on the subject, so remember that Karisma's is just one of these.
For more info on arranged marriages check out this Youth Information page and for an idea of the issues surrounding forced marriages (which are v. different to arranged marriages), check out the same website's forced marriage page.
Lastly, remember that if the issues that Karisma mentions are affecting you, you can call childline for advice and support on 0800 1111
Pictures posed by models.
Your comments
Emma, 14,
OMG how can he decide your marrage? i'm 14 and if that happened to me i'd be devestated!!! good on you for standing your ground!!! i hope you are able 2 move on from this. good luck xxxx
Erin, 12
Oh My God! I Would Feel Betrayed Too! Gd For You For Standing Your Ground...You Go Girl! Good Luck With College, Hope You Find Love And Marry The Man That You Lve And He Is Sure To Lve You Too!...<3'x
Lucy, 13
All i can say is... you poor thing!!! I would hate to get married so young , and especially to someone who i didnt know very well. I know what you mean by wanting to marry for love and I am proud of you for standing up to your Dad like that. I hope you find the one soon xxx
Jess, 14
Good for you, it's not really my right to say, but you should make your own decisions, and I'm glad you are, good luck in the future, and happy new year :) x
emo girl xxxx, 12
at least you had someone to talk to in the end. this shows people should not be forced to do some thing they do not want to do
,
i would hate to have an arranged marriage and my hole life planned out for me! my dad wants me to take a gap year and then sart education then in can go travelling and i am going to do that. i would never let someone plan out my life, you did the right thing moving out but maybe you should try to start trusting you're father again.
Danitrish, 19
I understand, Karisma. It was a very brave thing to do. To stand up to your dad. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOUR DAD WOULD USE YOU LIKE THAT. Good thing he changed his mind and you moved on to a better life.Good job, sweetie.
Sapphire xox, 16
OMG i couldn't ever imagine having to marry someone that i didn't love at my age. It wud be like throwing away the rest of my life just for being a good daughter and getting married to who my dad chose. I'm glad u stood up for yourself Karisma. Three Cheers Girl !
shinna, 19
i was only 14, in india, when i was froced to get married...and i had to one to turn to but i got through it when i met a doctor to help me. and i'm glad you got through it
steph , 15
good on ya girl! well done for standing up for yourdelf! must have been hard tho, him beeing your dad and that. you must have some guts so well done babe! x x
Nimz, 14
i understand how you must have felt because i am an asian and well my parents like to talk about marriage and i feel as if they are forcin me into one!! :(
Lilly, 15
Hey.. Arranged marriages dont really happen now..well not with anyone i know.. they are usually more introduced.. so like someone will meet a girl/boy through their friends or even thier parents, and the person to get married can say yes or no.. what karisma's dad did was not fair.. i would stick to introduced!!.
Nemo, 11
Oh my goodness! im sorry, but what your dad was doing defo was wrong. but then, every one has diffrent views. well done for sticking up for yourself tho bbe x
