Olivia's Story

A lot of girls care about the way they look, sometimes having days when they think they're fatter or uglier than they actually are, but when I was growing up I was always obsessed with the way I looked. I thought I was hideous, but everyone just said that I wasn't when I asked them: they thought nothing of it, but for me, it was all I could think about.

Even though I have pretty, long, dark hair and a tall, slim figure, I still thought everyone was looking at me in disgust. I thought I had a big nose, big ears and that I was fat. Of course, I now realise none of that was - or is - true.

I was always annoying my friends and parents by asking them every 5 minutes if I was fat or too tall, but everyone told me I was worrying over nothing.

Things got worse

This continued for a few months and then things went from bad to worse when I started getting really paranoid. I thought that whenever I went out anywhere, people were staring at me; it was like I could feel their judgemental stares burning into my back.

By now my friends and family were getting really cheesed off and they almost couldn't stand to be in the same room as me. I got really depressed, always wishing I looked perfect like most of the other girls in my year and I started telling myself everyday that I was different; that there was something wrong with me.

I soon became very isolated and alone because I'd convinced myself that no one liked me or loved me because I was so hideous. The bullying at school didn't help. I would look at myself in the mirror and obsess about everything wrong with my body.

Time to 'see someone'

It was a Saturday when my parents told me that they needed to take me to see someone and I honestly thought they were going to put me up for adoption because they'd had enough of my whining.

Of course, that wasn't the case - we were actually going to see the doctor about my behaviour - but it does show how obsessive I had become. The doctor did some tests and I was sent home to wait for the results, which I was due to receive within the week.

Images posed by models. Some names have been changed.

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Results

That week passed in a blur and swirl of emotions; half the time I didn't know what I was doing, I was just so on edge waiting for my results. Then the day came.

We went back to my doctors and he told me was wrong: I had Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

BDD basically means the person who has it has a serious concern with either an imaginary or a minor physical feature. So whilst a lot of people have things about their body they don't like or are critical of their own appearance, most people with BDD really distort what they see in the mirror and find themselves to be physically repulsive.

Stronger now than ever before

It's only been two months since I was diagnosed with BDD and to help me overcome it, I'm having therapy which is already making me feel loads better and stronger.

It's going to be tough for a while as I try to fight the disorder, but I know I can do it. I guess my overall message to people is that it's easy to think things are so much worse than they are, but you can't let yourself think like that - nothing is as bad as it seems.

More information:

The BDD Foundation
BBC Headroom - Ruby Wax discusses BDD
Are you being bullied?

Images posed by models. Some names have been changed.