Lyn's Story

On the outside I appear just like any ordinary person, but on the inside it's a different story and that's because I have Asperger Syndrome (AS).

AS is an autistic spectrum disorder that someone is born with. It can have all sorts of different symptoms. For me it means I refuse to look into a person's eyes, I'm fussy about what I eat, it's hard for me to be social and I panic when something I've planned for the day doesn't go right.

I was diagnosed with AS when I was 16, but I wish I was diagnosed earlier…

Before the diagnosis

Before the diagnosis I was taken out of classes to a learning support group. There were other kids there too, so I thought this was normal. At age 6, I was told I had an unknown learning disability and was sent to a school where the other kids had learning difficulties.

I spent a year going to that school and I loved the friends I met there. After that I went back to an ordinary school.

Until then, I thought I was like everyone else but the awful teasing and bullying quickly made me wonder if I was different. I'd hear kids ask my friends, "Why do you hang out with her?" It hurt my feelings and I soon felt like an outcast.

Could it be AS?

My sister was the first one to notice what might be wrong and said to my mum that I looked like I had symptoms of Asperger Syndrome. So my family took me to different doctors to determine if I had AS. Some people said I didn't others say I did, no one had the answers. It was all so confusing.

When I got into high school I was beginning to fear that I did have AS, because once I was asked by a friend, "Why do you act so babyish?" I didn't have an answer so I walked away crying. The girl apologised later on. Is that what I'm like? I thought, am I childish and I don't even know it?

All I knew about AS was that it was a disability. I often cried at the thought of having it when my parents weren't around. I was terrified. I began to think that I'd be looked after by a carer for the rest of my life and never achieve anything and live a lonely life.

I tried to act normal by copying other people. But in my mind it didn't feel right.

Images posed by models. Some names have been changed.

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The Diagnosis

In summer at age 16 I was told to go to a place where they could determine if I had AS or not. My dad came with me.

I sat in a room with 3 ladies who wanted to test me. They asked me simple questions and did tests. One of them asked if I had three wishes what I'd wish for. I said, "I'd wish that I don't have Asperger Syndrome."

They asked me why and I burst into tears. I told them that I'd be doomed to live a horrible lonely life. But the women told me that wasn't true. Many people with AS had become successful and achieved their goals in life.

My heart felt happy, it was the first time someone had told me that even if I did have it, it would be okay.

After the diagnosis I was told I had AS and this time I was OK with it. I didn't feel afraid anymore. They gave me books on autistic spectrum disorders and told me that I'm more likely to achieve my goals than a person without AS.

After the Diagnosis

Even though I'm haunted and scarred for life by the memories of the bullies, I do feel proud of myself now. I have a reason to be myself. The next time a person asks why I'm different I can give them an answer.

I'm going to get help getting a job and I don't mind letting my friends know about my AS.

I'm telling my story because I want people to be aware of AS; it's harder for people who have the disorder to make friends because of the way people judge us. So please if you know a person with AS, try getting to know them - don't tease them just because everyone else does it.

If there's one thing I've learnt through all this, it's that even though AS is known as a disability it's nothing to be ashamed of.

More help and advice:

NHS Direct
National Austic Society

Images posed by models. Some names have been changed.