What do boys want for Christmas?
Christmas is ace because you get time off school and presents and someone always dies in EastEnders.
What more could a boy want? Here are 10 things I can think of...
1) To open a cracker and get something that's actually good inside, like money.
2) Someone to introduce a high quality Christmas-themed crisp. There's nothing wrong with mince pies and variety chocolate packs, but it seems that crisps are deemed not good enough for Christmas. It's ironic, because 'crisp' sounds so similar to 'Christmas'. I have copyrighted the flavour "Ready Santa-ed" but am willing to do business with reputable crisp manufacturers. Let's make this happen.
3) A puppy that we can just mess around with at Christmas and then wave goodbye to once we get bored with it.
4) A new law to be introduced under the sex offenders act making it illegal for old ladies in our extended family to insist on giving us a kiss when we go to their house for tea and Christmas cake.
5) A whole turkey with all the trimmings. And by 'all the trimmings' I mean 'more meat'.
6) Carol singers to have a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror.
7) Father Christmas to visit us in our room on Christmas Eve night and turn out to be a really hot girl.
8) The real Father Christmas to arrive a couple of hours later to give us loads of presents, including something expensive that we want plus several cards with £20 pound notes in them. And a light sabre, a real one. And no socks.
9) Our girlfriend - if we've got one - to buy us something thoughtful and romantic, like Grand Theft Auto IV.
10) Or, if we haven't got a girlfriend, a girlfriend.
So, anyway, Merry Christmas yeah? Peace.
Please remember: Kev is not an expert, he is just a boy and sometimes quite a silly boy. The main thing to remember when it comes to lads and relationships is to expect respect as the absolute minimum. Find out more about a Women's Aid campaign of the same name.
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