Is there anything more annoying than his ex-girlfriend? Why couldn't she have been vaporised the day they split up, hmm?
Don't panic current-girlfriend! We've identified the different species of ex and figured out a way to deal with each and every one...
She's after your man
The Terminator
She's got your man in her sights and she will not rest till he's back in her robotic arms.
How to spot her:
She's the girl that's always having THE MOST amazing time whenever your man's around. She's doing her best to show that she's TOTALLY over your boyf, but strangely she still texts him constantly and turns up when you least expect it.
What to do:
You MUST NOT let this girl get under your skin, that's part of her plan. If you show that her behaviour is making you jealous, she'll keep doing it and might cause a rift with your boyf.
Ignore her and concentrate on strengthening your own relationship. Spend lots of time together in places where she won't be, or where it would be weird her turning up (eg your Nan's 70th birthday party).
She weeps and weeps and weeps
The Weeping Willow
He hurt her badly and she's still in a state.
How to spot her:
You've probably never seen her face because she runs away whenever you turn up. She gets tearful at parties and you often catch her looking mournfully at your man. Unlike the Terminator, this heart-broken lass probably won't have the self-confidence to try to create trouble in your relationship, but she's still holding a big, drippy candle for your boyfriend and it's annoying.
How to treat her:
Be kind if you can (though she may refuse to talk to you if she holds you responsible for her misery). But don't let her paint you as the villain or bear a grudge for years.
It's not your fault they split (well, it's probably not). The Weeping Willow needs to learn that it's healthier to feel anger and move on than mope around forever waiting for him to take her back (he's not going to.)
A woman hell-bent on revenge
The Avenger:
She doesn't want him back, but she wants him to suffer. A lot.
How to spot her:
She's the one who's always talking about what a loser your man is, who'll tell anyone with half an ear about the terrible way he treated her, and who might even try to convince you that he's bad news.
What to do:
With an Avenger around, you'll probably have heard a lot of things about your boyfriend that you'd rather not know. But just because he's behaved badly in the past doesn't automatically mean he's going to do those things to you.
Having said that, you should challenge him about some of the rumours. It shows that you won't put up with that sort of treatment.
Thank the Avenger for her advice, but tell her you can look after yourself. It's not healthy for anyone to use up so much energy bitching about someone. Life's too short.
The first cut is the deepest
The First Love
They shared something unique. He's not sure he'll ever feel the same way about anyone again...
How to spot her:
You'll have heard all about her before you see her. This girl was a massive part of his life. She may have been his first girlfriend, childhood sweetheart or the first person he slept with.
What to do:
Nostalgia is dangerous. The First Love is going to remind your boyf of a time when life was simpler, when romance was new and shiny and anything was possible.
There's nothing wrong with a bit of rose-tinted spectacle-ry, but this is the real world and First Loves belong in the past. Show him that what you have now is way stronger and more grown-up than their first-time puppy love.
You need to meet the First Love so you can see that she's just a normal girl really and not some angel of perfection. Your man will be chuffed that you appreciate how important she was to him back then, but will realise his future lies with you.
She's just a friend...
The Friend
They went out, but now they're just friends. No, really.
How to spot her:
At first, you think she's just part of his friendship group. But when she starts telling you just how much your bloke LOVES having his feet tickled, you realise they've got a past.
What to do:
Ooooh, this is a tricky one. You see, they really are just friends, but they know each other so well that you can't help feeling left out sometimes.
She is his friend and he wants you to like her. Try and understand why he likes her and become friends with her too. Once you've managed this, you'll see that there's really nothing to be scared of.
BUT if he's spending four out of five nights a week with her, then ask him how he'd like it if you went for a sleep-over at your ex's house. He'll get the message.
