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24 September 2014

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The Joke Board
A hedgehog called Clive
tinyWelcome to BBC Southampton's interactive Joke Board.
Here's your chance to make the South chortle - post your best gag in the form below.

Keep 'em funny, and keep 'em clean!
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Add your gag now!

Josh, Southampton
Two sausages were frying in a frying pan. One says to the other, "Damn, it's hot in here" The other said, "Oh my God! A talking sausage!"

Dave (pompey)
the funnyest jokes ever is southapton winning the league

Hardy Modgill, Southampton
A man walking in deepwoods asks a stranger "Have you seen any ghosts around here ". Stranger "Dono mate, only died yesterday"

Andy, Southampton
A man finds a Genie & is granted 3 wishes. But is told what ever he wishes for his mother-in-law will get twice as much. The man wished for £5000,000. A 5 bedroom house with pool & 1 of his kidneys to be removed!!

Hardy Modgill, Southampton
Teacher to lil Johny"If i give £500 to your dad on 12% interest per anum, what i will get after 1 year". "Nothing" said Johny. " I am afraid you know nothing about maths Johny" said the teacher. "I am afraid too sir, as you know nothing about my father" said Johy.

Hardy Modgill, Southampton
Teacher to lil Johny " Do you say prayers before you eat" Lil Johny " Nope, mum is a good cook"

Hardy Modgill, Southampton
Politician comes home running and says to wife " I have been elected to the Parliament" "Honestly", said the wife. "Why bring it up" says the politician.

Hardy Modgill, Southampton
patient to doctor"i have terrible gas problem, but good thing is its odourless and noiceless", doctor "i think i must treat your nose and ears before gas"

who's the boss of the hankies the hankychief

Peter Portsmouth
If teflon is none-stick, how do they get it to stick to the pan ?

Peter Portsmouth
I went to the opicians, you'll never guess who I bumped into. Everybody

kara luton - devon
what did the owl say to the bear? hello bear!

neil plascott
eegh, i know a joke....whats back & white and red all over? a paper heh heh heh

Sussanah Boshak Folkestone
Ten people were all sheltering under one small umbrella, but not one got wet! WHY? Because it was not raining

helen &sarah weymouth
whats bright,orange and looks like an alien? a bright orange alien

dave portsmouth
it was the best day of my life walking down the isle then the viker said a few nice words igave her a kiss and shut the coffin lid

matt east sussex
what do you call a blonde sky diving team? The new version of lawn darts

Rob, Ashford
What did one turkey say to the other turkey "Merry Christmas"

Nick,east sussex
what did one button say to the other button nothing there buttons.

matt,east sussex
Two men walk into a bar,you would have thought the second one would have seen it

euan webster, soton
eegh i've got a joke,wife went on holiday...Jamaica? she went on her own accord...eegh

Col, Bishopstoke
What did the Pompey fan say after his team had won the Champions league? "This computer game is brilliant"

Dave Evans, Southampton
What do you call a sheep with no arms or legs or head. A cloud

Dave Evans, Southampton
A man walks into a pub and asks for a pint of less. because he says his doctor told him to drink less.

a man breathes ha ha

Tom, Isle of Wight
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It drove up the lane and turned into a field.

lauren, london
What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? Last years hide and seek winner.

john g ,fareham
two seagulls stood on a perch, one says can you smell fish?

john ,fareham
there was a fight in the indian restaurant...the chef is in hospital in a korma !

sophie, south wales
A man walks into a bar........ouch!!!!

Pete , Noosa Australia
I had a car accident with a Magician - He came out ot nowhere

why are blonde jokes so short:so brunnetes can understand

James, Biggin Hill
Why are there no asprins in the jungle? Because the parrots ate 'em all!

Indy, Netley Abbey
A bloke goes to the doctors the doctor asks: "What can I do for you?" The bloke replies; "I think I'm becoming hard of hearing" The doctor asks; "What are the symptons?" The bloke answers; "They're a yellow cartoon family."

Gill, Southampton
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Claire, Dorchester
I found a pair of trousers in the library the other day - that was a turn up for the books!

Alison, Romsey
Did you hear about the fight in the chip shop last week? Six fish got battered!

Dave, Portsmouth
Two fish in a tank, one says "You man the guns, I'll Drive".

Stephen, Southampton
2 monkeys in a bath - one says "ooo-aaaa-aaaa-aaa-ooo" The other one says "...well put some more cold water in then!"

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