Hello there! For those of you unfamiliar with the fine area of Glasgow
known as Craiglang, here's your wee tour. Don't be expecting tartan bunnits
playin bagpipes or deer tramping across the heather. There's plenty of
wildlife about, though. Take no lip off the neds- they're all bark and
to Craiglang can't miss Osprey Heights. Rising into the sky like big blocks
which is exactly what they are. That's where our heroes
live. Nice view. No need for a London Eye when you live on the 32nd floor.
of great double acts. Morecambe and Wise. Mince and tatties. Jack and
Victor. Pals since they were wee, they're on a two-man mission to prove
that living on a pension doesn't stop you having a laugh. Both widowers
whose kids are on the other side of the world. But living next door to
each other means they're never far from a cup of tea, a biscuit and a
the one thing no-one's ever short of is gossip, thanks to the keeper of the Craiglang
grapevine, Isa. She lives in Osprey Heights too. Once she gets you in her clutches
you've had it, she'll bore you to tears. Unless you stay in the house and take
your meals through the letterbox, Isa is impossible to avoid. She works in the
local shop as a cleaner. As well as keeping folk in bog roll and bevvy, the boss
Navid distributes one-liners free of charge. His patter is top class.
Along the road a bit, and we have the hub of the community - The Clansman.
This concrete structure is of a classic minimal design known as 'urban Scottish
boozer', ideal for serving bevvy in the dark, which is just as well - the pumps
haven't been cleaned since year dot. If you're lucky, traditional specialities
like mince pies and cheese toasties might not end in a tearful relationship with
the toilet bowl. For entertainment, nothing beats winding up Boaby the barman.
Boaby by name, boaby by nature.
day is gold rush time in The Clansman. There's a good chance you'll bump
into Jack and Victor and their pals, who come in a wide variety of shapes
and sizes. Poor Winston, for instance, is missing an appendage - 40 years
of fags cost him a foot. What he lacks in toes, though, he makes up for
in scheming. He's not averse to cutting the odd legal corner for a few
if there's money to be saved, you can bet Tam won't be far away. He's
so tight he wouldn't give you a fright on a dark night. Chances are he'll
give you some sob story that ends with you buying him a pint. Don't be
fooled - it was his family that invented copper wire, fighting over a
So there you are then. That's your quick guide to Craiglang. Leave your
beach gear at home, and you'll no be sending any postcards (Navid's don't
sell any). But life's never dull, folk look after each other, and there's
always a funny side.
We may look a bit past it - but we're Still Game for anything.