advice, Victor. Quality. Now, one thing
that comes with age, apart from death,
is experience. Sure, me and Victor have
got tons of the stuff, so we’d like to
pass on our knowledge to some of you who
have emailed us with your problems.
Jack and Victor My husband and I have
been together for 67 years. Lately, I’ve
been feeling he isn’t as interested in…well,
the finer things in life. What do you
suggest we do to kick-start the old fire
and water? Regards, Muriel."
Muriel You have to face facts, pet. There
comes a time in your life when pish is the
only perfume. Try wearing only one duffel
coat when you go to bed. That should arouse
the old boy. Sorted.
boys I’m 74. I’ve found concentrating hard
of late and my hearing is… Plus, is it my
age or do people keep ignoring me? Regards.
Victor and Jack I find these young scallywags
who hang around bus stops and street corners
very threatening. Any ideas on what I can
do about them? Archie Bald."
Archie, it’s Jack here. Receiving you loud
and clear on this one. These wee bastards
need a swift boot in the haw-maws. Time was
when you could have gie’d them a good cuffing
yourself, but now they’ve got their mobiles
wi’ a number straight through to ChildLine.
No, Archie, you’ve got to abide by the law…Newton’s
law – throw them from a great height, like
the roof of your flat. There, that’ll learn
them. ..Archie, don’t listen to him! It’s
Victor here talking sense, man. Stay in. Get
a home help.
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