Feline Relaxation Techniques
Posted: Wednesday, 01 October 2008 |
In these purrlous times, you bipeds need all the help you can get from the very best Relaxation Technique Expurrts in the business. To state the blindingly obvious, that's us. To wit (there's no shortage) Marmers Figgy & Effcee (hereinafter to be referred to as MFE) Ltd.
In order to bring the very best illustrations to you, our admiring and needy public, I have been prowling the highways and byways of Orkney with digicam. We do hope these peerless images will prove helpful as your unfettered capitalist system (which, might I point out, helps to keep a roof over my and Marmer's heads, not to mention the supply of whiskas) circles the drain ©USA. As we say here in Rolling Acres, Que Sarah, Sarah.
Now, before you feast your eyes, Soaplady had a QI idea - that we should all start our postings with a classic 5-7-5 haiku.
AUTUMNAL (for mjc)
I have a foreign
policee: I can see Russ
ia from my yard.
Having introduced the Concept Of Calm with the above, here are some paw-picked images to reinforce your deep warm fluffy feeling of Chill Out Bigtime.
Position 1
A true master of relaxation, my pal Marmers soaking up the rays in the Sunroom of Eternity
Position 2
NB look closely to see the very slight change in paw positioning
Position 3
Bovvered? Am I bovvered? Do I look bovvered? (me not worrying ma furry heid aboot the heidlines)
Position 4
Do not try this one without a padded surface.
Position 5
This pose incorpurrates some elements of Catha Yoga©. Not recommended for arthritic cats.
Position 6
Magnificent Figaro Incarnate (©Jeelie Piece 2008) This is my sofa and I'll purr if I want to.
Position 7
Flat-out cat with head-lift.
Position 8
Not one for the faint-hearted, Figgy and his Lilo. As long as your lilo knows its place, no problem.
Position 9
A rather energetic form of Catha Yoga©. It takes years of sitting at the paws of a master to achieve the Basketflip with 380º Necktwist
Position 10
OM...(Off Mousing)
Nothing whatsoever to do with anything, except we thought, if shortlegsthesheep popped by, she might like to see an Orkney yowe in its native habitat. This troglodytic example has a toilet roll up its bahookie, which is original you must admit.
Disclaimer: No yowe was discomnogurated in the making of this bog.
In order to bring the very best illustrations to you, our admiring and needy public, I have been prowling the highways and byways of Orkney with digicam. We do hope these peerless images will prove helpful as your unfettered capitalist system (which, might I point out, helps to keep a roof over my and Marmer's heads, not to mention the supply of whiskas) circles the drain ©USA. As we say here in Rolling Acres, Que Sarah, Sarah.
Now, before you feast your eyes, Soaplady had a QI idea - that we should all start our postings with a classic 5-7-5 haiku.
AUTUMNAL (for mjc)
I have a foreign
policee: I can see Russ
ia from my yard.
Having introduced the Concept Of Calm with the above, here are some paw-picked images to reinforce your deep warm fluffy feeling of Chill Out Bigtime.
Position 1
A true master of relaxation, my pal Marmers soaking up the rays in the Sunroom of Eternity
Position 2
NB look closely to see the very slight change in paw positioning
Position 3
Bovvered? Am I bovvered? Do I look bovvered? (me not worrying ma furry heid aboot the heidlines)
Position 4
Do not try this one without a padded surface.
Position 5
This pose incorpurrates some elements of Catha Yoga©. Not recommended for arthritic cats.
Position 6
Magnificent Figaro Incarnate (©Jeelie Piece 2008) This is my sofa and I'll purr if I want to.
Position 7
Flat-out cat with head-lift.
Position 8
Not one for the faint-hearted, Figgy and his Lilo. As long as your lilo knows its place, no problem.
Position 9
A rather energetic form of Catha Yoga©. It takes years of sitting at the paws of a master to achieve the Basketflip with 380º Necktwist
Position 10
OM...(Off Mousing)
Nothing whatsoever to do with anything, except we thought, if shortlegsthesheep popped by, she might like to see an Orkney yowe in its native habitat. This troglodytic example has a toilet roll up its bahookie, which is original you must admit.
Disclaimer: No yowe was discomnogurated in the making of this bog.
Comments
How can I enrol in your school, FC? Can I start out with the Marmers exercise, I like the look of that one. And when are you going to get a lilo like your friend?
Jill from EK
Mrrrowl! You forgot one position, FC - the one where a single small cat (or cub) somehow manages to take up the entire double bed, and all the duvet too...
cub from chav central
Drat!!!
Flying Cat from foiled-by-cub
I am reliably informed that poor FC and Marmers are not allowed on the bed, poor deprived kitties. However, I imagine they can do a pretty good job on the average sofa.
Jill from EK
Oh FC, your chum Marmers is in most unelegant pose, letting it all hang out like that. Thank goodness you have more decorum !! By the look on Marmers face, you all appear to live in Cat's paradise, dreaming of birds and rabbits no doubt !
Squidgy the Otter from Talking out of my bahookie
What a lovely relaxing pictures, FC. I disagree Squidgy--I think Marmers looks totally relaxed--I am envious!
thelovelyOutlander from feeling more relaxed....
Really Squidgy, I never would have accused you of talking out of your posterior!
Flying Cat from it spraint what you say, its the way that you spra
Maybe the train is running late, maybe the caboose got hijacked, maybe GB is the best PM in the story of modern Britain ...
mjc from IN, USA
...y it.
Flying Cat from and in the end...
Thrilled to at last achieve my 15 minutes of fame, so long overdue. Just a shame that scene-stealing mutt, had to get his hairy moosh in there. A bit of warning next time FC, and I'll clear the decks of the competition. It was the movies that got small...
Figgy Pudding from Over the Moon
You've forgot the stretching exercises...you know the ones, rear legs behind the ears. and the full furry stretch. Cub...what else is bed for but our comfort, humans are reasonably adjustable with a well placed claw.
Mia from furry and content
Sometimes Marmers' claws are mis-placed... Sorry mia, but none of us would purrform to order, you know how it is... Though I must say, that Lilo knows his place!
Flying Cat from nose-to-the-bedroom-door
Well done, you've been greenlighted on Fark.com for this and achieved a googlewhack with "discomnogurated". That's quite an achievement for one day.
steve from sheffield
I'm thrilled...
Flying Cat from Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure
FC - your blog reminded me of my purronderings of whether cats decide to sleep on their back -as per Marmers- as they see us bipeds doing so and think that the 'in' thing to do. I was under the impression that cats protect their under-parts with fervour as it is the most vulnerable part of a cat. So they will only clean said underparts when in safe environs. Therefore, to sleep in such a position Marmers must be *very* secure and easily led!!.............MC restrains himself to sleeping in such postions only when he's wedged between us on the bed or when an unfortunate twisting incident has happended in his basket. Our previous feline (RIP) was very prone to sleeping in the prone position, however but her birth-owners often held her like a babe-in-arms (on her back) so such an angle was an early influence. Keep up the good work. xx
Madlamb from Poised with a camera
I've consulted Marmers, and he says domestic felines feel so safe, in the nice homes you bipeds provide, that we can relax excessively! If we were wild cats we would be forever on guard. I would miss tummyrubs...
Flying Cat from looking alert because the nation needs more
dear FC, i very recently stumbled upon your blog while swatting that pesky mouse which always dangles on my fpu's notebook, and might i say that i'm very imprrrrressed with it. brrrrrrrrravo! i'm very envious with the fact that you have a very lovely garden to explore whenever you want to since you have your very own catflap of doom. me, well, i've to always put a sad face and meow pathetically to be let out into my garden. and i even have curfew hours! sigh... then again, my fpu has to always get up and open the door to let me in or out. plus, all i have to do is stare at her unblinkingly while sitting next to my bowl to get my fave friskies. serves her right! aren't they supposed to be our slaves in the first place? *smug grin* i luuurrrrrrrve positions 1 to 5 and i always practise them to keep my svelte figure, you see. another very satisfying position is lying on my back with my paws all stretched out and rolling from one side to the other on a sun-baked floor. prrrrrrr.. ecstasy! keep those pics coming!
Eevee from KL, Malaysia
stretched out under the coconut tree, Eevee? Rather dangerous (ask Barney!). Clearly not a Singaporean cat: the fat cats out there are busy getting their chestnuts out of their stockmarket during the day, and speaking to their therapists in the evening. No lounging cat out in Sir Lee's old haunt, no sirree, and no chewing gum either.
mjc from IN, USA
Anyone seen head or tail re: Barebraes?
mjc from IN, USA
FC, your fame knows no bounds! A fan in KL, indeed. Eevee sounds just your type.
Jill from EK
not very fond of chewing gums myself, mjc. those blasted things get stuck under chairs/tables and ruin my lovely coat. tsk. sadly, i've to admit that my figure is not as svelte as FC's, since i've gained a few pounds (to put it mildly) after being snipped by the V.E.T. when i was a wee lad(? tom? hmm..). how does FC look after his figure, me wonders? and i was given a girl name! *blech*... that was indeed the last straw for my tomliness.
Eevee from KL, Malaysia
Who needs the therapist most - the pus or the cats?
Barney from Swithiod going round the bend
I was SO going to fall for you in a big way Eevee from KL, until you let the cat out of the bag about your mis-naming. Thank goodness I was feeling lazy on Friday or I might have given a false impression of my proclivities...now mia m'dia doesn't need to get jealous! A 'sun-baked floor', hey? I could get used to that...
Flying Cat from a narrow squeak
Nothing wrong with being generously built Eevee, pins the staff down nicely when you want a comfy perch. As for your name, just blame it on your staff's inability to spell, you're really Evel at heart....*purr*
Mia from furry and content
I do like something to get a grip of...
Flying Cat from patting a plump rump
I think this plump fpu needs to follow some of these feline exercises, love the photos and captions eefcee....
island threads from lewis
Clearly FC could use being put on the chain gang (as a warning to Marmalade). However, I did not think fpu needed more exercise than the usual walks fpu takes with her bearded side-kick (hi, mate, how are you?!).
mjc from IN, USA
I didn't actually say WHOSE plump rump...
Flying Cat from pick a rump any rump...
Hi mjc. Pretty good, thanks.
FC's mpu from Rolling acres
mrowr..! being "generously built" (thanks, Mia, for the mildest expression. *prrrr*), here's a wild guess on whose plump rump is being gripped.
Eevee from closing an eye with my paw
FC, you're welcome (but, scout's promise, I won't make a habit of gallantry).
mjc from IN, USA
Oh, that was FC's mpu.(not fpu: I had difficulty deciphering the message first, but did the best I could, thinking it was the female of the species). You are welcome. Have you thought of coloring your beard blue? And at up Helly AA you could be contrarian, going as a Caribbean pirate rather than as a Viking marauder.
mjc from IN, USA
Nice to know that I'm not the only one that uses my paw to close my eyes. I think the staff need to see that little white bit so they don't step on me when I loll in dark doorways!
Socks from under Mia's paw
Clearly my comment here has been sent to take a turn on the Tour de France. And yet, unlike some competitive cyclists, the note was quite "clean."
mjc from IN, USA
'S alright mjc, mine was a non-arrival also and I can't be bothered to dredge it up from the depths of memory...
Flying Cat from lost comments bin
I'm thinking of following your example, FC, and getting myself a portable mac. A nasty virus finally got my main (windows based) computer. Hours wasted. Still struggling with it intermittently. In the meantime, I have had to pull it out and plug in a spare one, and stuff it full of the latest anti-virus protection software. May you all continue to be free of computer flu.
mjc from IN, USA
brilliant fc ,as usual: tell pu's to get a new computer pronto!!
5 cat gang from out of the rain,by the fire
So, incommunicado, eh FC's fpu? The cat ate your laptop, eh? That's what happens when you get a Macsomething or other [joking apart, I am thinking of moving over to the Apple platform myself ]. Go to the library, use the uncensored computers out there.
mjc from IN, USA
Just got a call from daughter at uni.: just spilled water on the keyboard of laptop, and everything fizzled/sizzled. Thanks heavens for four year accidental etc insurance. It will get fixed, but unfortunately she needs to send the laptop back to the States. That should set her back some precious pounds sterling.
mjc from IN, USA
FC I said THIS plump fpu meaning me IT, IT is plump, trying for the second time of posting so I see nothing has improved,
island threads from lewis
The diary entries of an averagely intelligent feline and his Marmalade Chum.
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