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16 October 2014


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Fank Sponsor's Whereabouts In Doubt

Sir Torquil Stanford, entrepreneur and sponsor last year's Dell Fank has gone into hiding causing a stampede on the First Bank of Habost which rents the former Post Office in South Dell. A queue of several cailleachs and bodachs waited patiently outside the portakabin for news of their savings. Meanwhile Sir Torquil has left his luxury penthouse at the Habost Hilton ( behind the water tower chust past the Free Church Manse which is bigger than the Hilton!) saying he was off to some communions on the mainland.
Sir Torquil first came to prominence when he turned up at the Dell Fank site last year with a perspex box filled with Scottish One hundred pound notes and a tonne of Penny Dainties. He was photographe gladhanding many of the Fank Committee and at one stage bouncing Chrissie Mary Morrison (Miss) up and down on his knee.
'What a sleazebag' Chrissie Mary told our scribbler. 'He persuaded me to invest my catalogue money with him and I suppose that's the last I'll see of it.'
Later in the day Sir Torquil was found hiding under an old loom in a barn in Knockaird. He looked a broken man but promised an explanantion to all his investors in the Ness region.
The demise of the First Bank of Habost puts several events in jeopardy including the annual Skigersta Shrove Tuesday race and the Butt to Barra Pedalo Grand Prix. The President of the Ness Allotment, Common Grazing and Crowdie Commission, Calum Angus O'Bama has promised to intervene although he acknowledges that this man operates outside Ness down as far as North Uist so is outside the President's jurisdiction.
Angus Morrison 77 in the queue for his money commented 'Who'd expect a Ponzi Scheme in Ness - we've only just had the Hydro Electric Scheme. Is there a fee for this interview?'
Posted on calumannabel at 21:06


Hi Calum, I hit the jackpot when i clicked on the old IB in my favorite list. There you are. Here you are ( you are a real pain, Calum: you should have moved to the other place long ago!!). # As to Ponzi schemes, you will be pleased to know that Mr.Ponzi has been kicked out as an undesirable foreign worker - after all, he only had a BA (however Honors, and however Joint) in Fraudulent Management of PieintheSky Assets, not an MA as will be shortly required by Westminster. We want our crooks and our cooks to be very well versed. # So long, Calum.

mjc from IN, USA

please cross over,calum and bring chrissie mary and annie b with you---what has happened to annie b?????

carol from still in nz

Annie has been in hospital for a week having a kideny stone removed - courtesy of a diet of guga and Cremola Foam. Chrissie Mary is through to the final of the Highlands and Islands Karaoke competition and is staying in luxury somewhere near Stenhousemuir. Donald is painting sheep. We're all busy and not ready to cross to the other side.

calum from ness

tell her to stop the cremola foam and drink less dangerously for the health stuff---maccallan i.e

carol from nz

Pleeeease! We miss you.

Stromness Dragon from Greener fields

I am sure the thoughts of all IBers are with Annie ... Im sure shes a fighter and wish her a full recovery

Barebraes from Shapinsay

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