How does confidence affect behaviour?

When a child feels positive about himself, his self-confidence, self-respect and behaviour will be positive too. A child who feels negative about himself will have less self-confidence and is more likely to feel unhappy and to behave negatively as a result.

Some children are very shy and don't have the confidence to speak or interact in public. Others are complete extroverts and very confident. Being a shy child is no reflection of a child's mental ability. Children who are shy in their childhood often pick up confidence as they grow up and become sensitive, confident, mature adults.

New people

Many children are confident in their home environment but become anxious in new situations, such as when starting nursery school. It can take some children a while to get used to new people.

Be patient and reassure your child each time you take him to nursery. Let your child know he must go to school but that you will be back later. Remind your child of what he enjoyed the last time. Over time he will make friends and learn to interact with them.

Encourage and help your child to socialise with other children and adults, too. Besides nursery and school, organise activities at home for your child and other children. Having a friend for tea, a birthday party or perhaps a sleep-over can help a less-confident child to relax in company.

Help your child to talk to your friends and to other family members about things he has done or enjoyed, too. Forming relationships with different people will help your child to grow in confidence and social skills.

Attention and praise

Do give your child the attention he needs and deserves. Spend time together talking, playing and doing daily activities. Trips and outings are great, but painting, singing, gardening, playing a game, going for a walk or making a sandwich together can be just as special.

Even ordinary tasks like sorting washing or posting a letter can be a chance to let your child help you and to feel 'grown-up' and confident.

Remember to praise your child when he tries hard or does well. Try to be specific: 'Well done for stroking the kittens so gently and kindly' is much clearer than 'Well done for playing nicely'. This will help your child to learn good and bad behaviour as well as confirming that what he's doing really is positive.

Dealing with negative feelings

Talk with your child and remember to listen, too. Be interested in his friends, and successes and failures.

Try to be sensitive about your child's fears or worries, even if they seem small or silly to you. The world can seem very frightening to a small child. Show your child you take him seriously and give lots of encouragement, especially after a nasty shock or when something has gone wrong.

Help your child to talk through negative feelings, too. Affirm his feelings: 'You must have felt scared when the dog barked and jumped at you. It was really noisy.' or 'You must have felt very cross when Ben pushed in at the swings. You know we have to take turns.'

If something happens to upset your child, talk it through together and discuss how he might deal with events next time: 'You can tell Ben it's not fair to push in, or even tell a grown-up, but you mustn't hit him.'

Interests and clubs

Out-of-school clubs are another way of helping your child to interact with others and feel confident about himself. Sports, self-defence, language or music clubs can give your child new goals and a sense of achievement. Activity holidays are another way of meeting and interacting with new people.

Encourage your child's interests and try not to call them 'boring', 'silly', 'girlie', 'tomboyish' or other negative words. They are a part of your child's developing personality.

Of course, if your child's interests become obsessive or if they are inappropriate or dangerous it's important to intervene. But if your child develops an interest in a new hobby do encourage it - even if it's not your thing!

Based on an article by A Suri

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