Sikh internet matchmaking

Sikh internet matchmaking

Many young Sikhs are using the internet to woo potential partners from the same religious background.

Looking for a spouse online is becoming more widely accepted within the Sikh community as one of the best ways to find the right partner.

Jazz, a UK-based accountant, is typical of many young Sikhs who have taken the online plunge.

At first his friends sniggered at the idea that he would find a suitable partner online. When he married Nonie, a Sikh dentist from India, less than a year later, they had changed their tune, calling him lucky.

"The way I see it is that arranged marriages seem to last longer than love marriages," says Jazz, 29. "Arranged marriages are the unification of two characters whereas love marriages are more to do with chemistry and emotion. By going online I decided to take control of my life."

The world was his oyster

Jazz contacted only women who lived in the UK when he first logged on. But after discovering Sikhnet.com, he decided to give himself the option of looking for someone abroad.

He focussed his search on India and soon began chatting to Nonie. "I didn't see a picture of her," he recalls. "There was no chemical interaction. Instead I got to know her character."

He adds: "My friends thought I'd gone mad and my grandad was shocked, saying he hadn't realised it was possible to get married using a computer."

Jazz went to India to meet Nonie in April 2003. He proposed to her a month later and they were married in India in September 2003. The couple are now expecting their first child.

Since then Jazz has encouraged his friends to use the internet to find a spouse. One of his closest friends got married in 2004 after meeting his wife online.

"Within Sikh families, there's a subconscious force that keeps you together in marriage," explains Jazz. "When you first get married, you go through good and bad times. In other cultures, when you meet bad times, sometimes it seems easier to split up."

Whereas internet matchmaking is a relatively new phenomenon in the UK, it is a tried and tested option in India.

Keeping options open

Although Nonie's family was keen to introduce her to suitable men back in India, she did not feel wholly comfortable with the idea.

She did eventually agree to being introduced to potential husbands but decided to pursue possibilities on the internet at the same time. Nonie enrolled on a Sikh matrimonial website in September 2001. Nearly 900 men, including Jazz, responded to her internet advertisement.

Although Jazz did not come to India to meet her until the following year, she was more drawn to him than the others.

He was not from the same caste as her but she felt a deep bond with him through the emails they had exchanged.

"Jazz was perfect for me. We had lots to talk about and in many ways he was the opposite of me. He makes me laugh all the time."

Internet boom in marriages

Many of Nonie's cousins and friends have also found marriage partners via the internet.

"There are two ways to meet someone in India," she says. "One is for relatives to introduce you through newspaper matrimonials. The other option is the internet. Personally I think the internet is the best way to meet someone if you want to get married, settle down and get to know a person inside out. When you write to someone by email, you get to know all their thoughts and feelings. You can read between the lines and take your time."

For Nonie it was also important to find a partner who shared her religious beliefs.

"For me being a Sikh is about continuing what my parents gave to me," she explains. "It's part of my identity. I wanted to marry someone who could share this with me so I didn't lose my identity."

She adds: "It's important to pass on what you believe to the next generation. With Jazz, I knew this would be possible."