Internet Matchmaking

Hindus log on in the search for true love

Hindus are moving away from traditional arranged marriages, hailing the internet as the modern way to find a partner.

Increasingly Hindus in the UK are searching online for the person of their dreams through specialist matchmaking sites with a global market.

Manish Solanki, 29, met his wife, Mona, 26, through rishtaa.com, a matrimonial site where Hindus from countries worldwide look for potential partners.

The couple started to email each other after Manish discovered Mona's online profile in July 2001. At the time Manish was studying for a PhD at Brunel University, west London and Mona was based in India.

"After six or seven emails, we realised it wouldn't be possible to meet up," recalls Manish. "I was doing research and it wasn't easy for me to abandon it and go out to India to see her."

Out of sight but not out of mind

The couple decided to stay friends and kept in touch by email. But their friendship deepened and they soon became more involved after sending each other instant messages on the internet.

"I was still not in a position to go to India before finishing my PhD," reveals Manish. "It took another two years before I could get there. We were very honest with each other and realised we had a lot in common and felt we could live together and be happy."

Mona was not actively searching for a husband when she received Manish's first email. She had inadvertently filled in an online survey not realising her details would be posted on to a matrimonial site.

Manish was the first person to respond to her 'advert'. "I didn't set out to marry him," she explains. "We got on really well so I wanted to keep in touch. We became good friends and I began to see that we were meant to be together."

Before encountering Manish, she had been introduced to three men in India through her family. But neither she nor her parents thought them suitable.

"My parents are broad-minded so it wasn't too difficult to convince them to meet Manish," she says. "But I was more afraid of his family's reaction to having met me on the internet."

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Manish finally went to India in January 2004 to meet Mona and her family. Mona was so nervous that she hid in her room.

"It was a shock when I finally saw him," she recalls. "I'd been waiting for him for a long time and he looked a bit different to how I imagined him."

Manish adds: "I was so happy when I saw her for the first time. I knew she was the sort of person I wanted to marry. Seeing her was confirmation of what I'd believed and hoped for."

He proposed to Mona immediately and she accepted. "My parents were anxious at first," she recalls. "They wanted to be sure he had a house and a job. They were keen to get all the necessary details. I'd chatted to Manish online for many years so I had a good gut feeling and I trusted him."

The couple married in India 13 days later. Manish returned to England two months later and Mona followed him in September 2004 when her passport was ready.

Overcoming doubts about meeting online

Although their marriage was eventually approved by both sets of parents, it was not an arranged marriage. Neither do the couple belong to the same caste.

Manish explains: "In an arranged marriage, parents tend to know people from the same caste so marrying someone from the same caste can be important. There are different rules for different castes so there is flexibility."

Manish's parents were wary initially about the idea of him finding a wife on the internet. But their fears turned to happiness when they met Mona for the first time.

Like many young Hindus, the couple believe the internet is the way forward in helping other men and women to find a partner who shares their religious beliefs, values, language and culture.

Mona is now helping her sister to find a partner online.

Searching for a dream partner

In the UK, other young Hindus are logging on in the hope of finding a potential spouse.

Sandeep, 23, was introduced to the online agency Hindu Faces by a friend at the end of 2005. It is not the first time he has looked online for a partner.

"I met someone online a few years ago and I was seeing this person for a while," he recalls. "The fact you get to know the person before meeting them is helpful. If I go to a bar, I'm more like to be physically attracted to someone but I won't know the person."

He is convinced that the internet is an avenue worth exploring particularly for people looking to meet a like-minded person from a similar background.

"People's lives are getting busier so they have less time," he says. "My parents are open-minded but they'd prefer me to meet someone from an Indian culture. It's not that I'm closed to meeting someone from another culture but it would be easier to meet someone from a similar background. In an Indian household, for example, divorce isn't common."

Like most young people searching for a marriage partner, Sandeep is keen to meet someone who shares the same interests as well as values.

He explains: "I'd like to meet someone who shares the same hobbies. I enjoy going out shopping, dancing, to pubs, clubs and the cinema. I also like sport and going to gym. There needs to be common ground."

Moving on with someone special

Bijal, 30, is a single mum with a two-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Having married outside her own culture the first time round, she is keen to make a match with a man from a similar background.

She has turned to Hindu Faces in the hope of meeting a new partner.

"It would be easier for me to meet a Hindu, someone who's on the same wavelength and would be accepted by my parents," she says. "It would also need to be someone who will accept that I've got a daughter."

Before her first marriage, Bijal was introduced to Hindu men through her parents but she didn't feel drawn to any of them. As a divorcee and a single parent, Bijal acknowledges that her search for the right man may be difficult.

She says: "I believe strongly that there's someone out there who'll understand I met someone, fell in love, got married and then split. There are lots of ways to look for someone but the internet is one way that wasn't open to the previous generation."