Violent men can change but most won't. Domestic violence is a choice. We know this because:

• abusers usually only hit their partner (this is true for 85 per cent of abusive men)
• abusers usually only hit their partner in private
• they usually only hit their partner on parts of the body that are normally covered with clothing so that others won't see the injuries
• if something negative happens such as arrest, they are less likely to do it again.

Violent men often believe they 'can't help it'. In fact, it's this misconception that allows them to avoid the issue of taking responsibility for their acts of violence.

Many men are capable of accepting this responsibility once they're taught some strategies for positive change. However, the abuser has to want to change; others cannot make him change.

Abusers who want to change should phone the Respect phoneline on 0845 122 8609 or visit their website at www.changeweb.org.uk/respect.htm

Back to What is domestic violence?

This article was last reviewed by Catherine Orr Deas in December 2005.
First published in February 2003.