I feel like the only one You may feel as if you're the only man who has ever experienced domestic violence but you're not alone. Although research shows that it is mainly women, this doesn't mean that men don't suffer too. Figures on the extent of male victims vary considerably so it's difficult to state with any accuracy the true extent. However, the 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found 19 per cent of domestic violence incidents were reported to be male victims, with just under half of these having a female abuser. It may be hard to admit to yourself and to others that this is happening, but it's not your fault and you can get help. Are there differences in how men and women experience domestic violence?There are both similarities and differences. Some of the responses to violence from a partner are the same. Whoever you are, being hurt by someone you love and trust can be devastating. You may feel bewildered and confused. You may wonder if it's your fault. You may feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell anyone. If you do tell, you may find that you are not believed or that your abuse is trivialised. For all victims of abuse, the message is the same... - You are not alone
- It is not your fault
- Help is available
If you don't find the right help immediately, it's important that you keep looking until you find someone who can support you at this difficult time. It doesn't make you weak to ask for help. There are also important differences that can often be lost when we assume that what we know about women experiencing domestic violence automatically applies to male victims too. For example, many abused men may feel that they aren't 'real men' if they admit to having experienced abuse. What help is available?Relationship Assessment Test
If you're worried you may be in an abusive relationship, you may like to assess your relationship with our quick test. Men have exactly the same rights as women to be safe in their own homes. All statutory services (such as the police, Crown Prosecution Service, housing departments and social services) have a duty to provide services to all, whatever their gender. Men are protected by exactly the same laws as women - anyone who has assaulted another person, regardless of the gender of either, can be prosecuted. If you are a man experiencing domestic violence and you need emergency help you can call the police on 999. For more on legal issues, housing or social services see our Practical Help section. Please note, however, that if you are a gay man (or lesbian), you may not be covered by the Family Law Act. Seek legal advice to clarify your position. What about my children?The family courts deal with all child contact disputes on a case by case basis. Evidence of domestic violence will be taken into account and decisions about residence and contact made accordingly. If you're concerned for the welfare of any child you can contact social services, ChildLine's freephone helpline 0800 1111 or the NSPCC freephone helpline on 0808 800 5000. External sitesHelp for victims
This article was last reviewed by Catherine Orr Deas in December 2005.
First published in February 2003.
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