Where will you live? Deciding where you and your partner will set up home is one of the most important lifestyle choices you can make. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall looks at how to work out your individual priorities and how to reach a compromise if they're very different.

In this article

Preparation

Questions

Talking it through

Before trying this exercise it's worth having a look at the Guidelines for exercises.

You'll need two pieces of paper - one for you and one for your partner. On each one, write down the following questions, leaving plenty of room for you answers.

Answer the questions individually, then agree a time when you can sit down and compare your responses.

Environment:
In which part of the country would you most like to live? (eg, north, south, Midlands, by the sea)
What are your ideal surroundings? (eg, isolated location, village, small town, city)
What's your preferred property type? (eg, cottage, town house, bungalow, detached)
What are your ideal room requirements (specify number of bedrooms, bathrooms etc)
Are there any external features that are important to you? (eg, size of garden, stables, pond)

Proximity:
How close would you like to be to the following? (answer in miles radius, eg within ten miles)
- your parents
- other important family members
- friends
- work

Facilities:
Which of these facilities would you like to be near?
- school
- college
- university
- church or other place of worship
- hospital
- health support groups/services
- theatre
- restaurants
- gym
- municipal sports facilities
- other sporting facilities (eg mountaineering, horseriding, windsurfing)
- special interest club or association (eg Ramblers' Association, Women's Institute, t'ai chi)

Look back at what you've written and make a note of how important each particular item is to you. Next to each answer write "Essential", "Important", "Preferred" or "Not essential".

Now complete the final two important questions.

Cost:
How important is it to you to consider the cheapest housing option?

Duration:
How long do you anticipate living in your next home?

Once you've both completed the questions, take some time to discuss your answers with each other.

How many "Essential" and "Important" items do you share? Make a note of these: for example, do you both want to live in a village location, close to friends and schools?

Are there any areas in which your answers differ considerably? If there are, think about the final two questions. Do potential savings affect how important something is to you? Can you agree on the length of time you'll live in your next home, and what effect does this have on your decision?

For example, living in a town may not matter now, but you might agree to live in a more rural area when you start a family. Or perhaps you'd consider sacrificing a short commute to work if the financial savings were good enough.