Avoiding holiday bust-ups For many people, the annual holiday is the highlight of the year, but all too often things don't go to plan. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall looks at why and has tips on ensuring your holidays are harmonious.

In this article

Why holidays go wrong

Work out what you want

The questions

The most common cause of holiday disasters isn't the weather, the accommodation or rowdy revellers, but destructive rows between partners owing to poor communication about expectations.

Many couples invest huge amounts of emotional energy as well as money into their annual holidays, and if things don't go as planned the feelings of disappointment can be hard to cope with. According to Relate, calls to its couples counselling service increase by up to 30 per cent every September.

Couples experiencing relationship problems, or those going through a particularly stressful period, can be tempted to think that going on holiday will solve all their problems. But if the holiday fails to live up to expectations, they may end up blaming each other and feeling even worse than before they went away.

If you want your holiday to be a success, you need to think about what you want to get out of it and agree some basics with your partner before you leave.

It's easy to assume you both want the same thing out of a holiday, but you may actually have very different ideas of what it means to relax. One partner may imagine a week of sunbathing, reading, long walks along the beach and candlelit suppers, while the other is looking forward to scuba diving, visiting the ancient sites and dancing the nights away.

The secret to enjoying a great holiday together is planning and, more importantly, talking about those plans. The list of questions below will help you both think through what you really want. When you've looked through the questions, share your answers with each other.

Getting ready to go:
Who's going to book the holiday, traveller's cheques, hire car, etc?
Will you need to save money before you go?
Who'll do the shopping for the holiday, and when?
Who'll do the packing for the holiday, and when? If there are children, who'll do their packing?
Who'll cancel the milk, tell the neighbours, arrange for the cat to be fed, etc?

Travelling:
Who'll drive?
Will you stop en route? If so, where and when and what will you do?
Who'll entertain the children on a long journey?
What will you do to entertain yourselves if there are long waiting times?

When you're there:
What physical activities would you like to do and how often?
How would you like to relax and how often?
How much time will you spend sightseeing?
How much time will you spend shopping and what's your budget?
How much time will you spend alone together and how much with other people?
What would you like to do at mealtimes and is there a budget to stick to?
How often will you talk while you're away? Are there any subjects you'll agree to avoid?
Is there anything you definitely don't want to do on holiday?