Resolving issues This exercise, set out by relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall, is designed to help you resolve minor issues before they become major problems. Completing the exercise together should help you and your partner find a solution for your dilemma.

In this article

Preparation

The exercise

Further help and links

• Before trying this exercise it's worth having a look at the Guidelines for exercises.
• Make a date in advance to do this exercise. Allow yourselves an hour.
• Make sure you're not going to be disturbed.
• Write your answers on a separate piece of paper using the headings below, (leave space for you to fill in your answers) .
• Use one sheet of paper per issue.

Before your start

It's worth having a look at how to do these exercises. While many people find these exericises hugely beneficial - some people discover things which are difficult and painful. In a counselling situation, these issues could be looked at during the next session, but when completing them at home you'll need to have some guidelines to work with.

The issue between us is...
(Write down the issue)

Partner one
It is bothering me because...
I'm partly responsible because I...
To resolve this we could... (list as many options as you can think of)

Partner two
It is bothering me because...
I'm partly responsible because I...
To resolve this we could... (again, list as many options as you can think of)

Top tip

Don't try this exercise when either of you is feeling angry or hurt with the other. Try to take a step back from the emotions of the issue and focus on finding positive, practical solutions.

Now take some time to discuss and consider the options available. Make sure the solutions are practical and positive.

Both of you
We have agreed to...
The change(s) I am going to make are...
The change(s) my partner is going to make are...
We will sit down and talk about how the changes are going on... (set a date)

If you find that you just can't avoid arguments, see Productive arguing for tips on keeping them healthy and non-destructive.

If completing this exercise leaves you feeling uncomfortable or you have concerns about your relationship, try talking it through with your partner or a trusted friend. Alternatively, you might want to consider seeing a relationships counsellor. To find out more, go to Do you need counselling?